"WHAT did you just DO?!"

 "A soft answer turneth away wrath:  but grievous words stir up anger."  (Proverbs 15:1)

It happened in a suburban supermarket parking lot.  I heard a loud, angry, confrontational female voice.  Quickly glancing behind me, I saw a blonde, middle-aged woman storming toward me.

"WHAT did you just DO?!" she was asking me.

The genesis of what led up to that moment happened a few months earlier.  Many of you know that I'm an Assemblies of God minister - although I haven't actually pastored a church in fourteen years.  I don't have many hobbies.  Many ministers play golf.  In fact, many are serious golfers.  But, alas, I only play "Putt-Putt"!  Some are runners.  Some are pretty good photographers.  Some play musical instruments.  More than a few are avid gardeners.  And occasionally you'll find a minister who is gifted at woodworking.  But as I stated, I don't have many hobbies.  I did play the clarinet as a child and as a teenager.  I still have the instrument.  I haven't even tried to play it in maybe twenty years.  My sister is "bugging" me about having my clarinet professionally reconditioned (it really needs it) and playing again.  At times I seriously think I just might.  

One thing I notice is license plates.  And here in Massachusetts, auto inspection stickers, too.  And believe me, there are loads of cars with expired inspection stickers driving around the state of Massachusetts!  I'd been thinking for months about doing a daily feature on Facebook called "License Plate of the Day".  Nothing fancy.  Just taking a picture of an interesting license plate, posting it and dating the post, and wondering if it would get any reactions or comments.  That could be sort of a little, easy hobby.  

On May 3 of this year as I sat in my car in a supermarket parking lot in Brockton, I noticed a very interesting personalized license plate:  "BLAST 1".  Is that cool or what??  I got a little "gutsy".  I exited my car.  I snapped a photo of the plate, and that morning I posted it on Facebook.  That was the beginning and now there's been a "License Plate of the Day" posted by me every day for over six months!

Back to the angry, confrontational, (and slightly scary) blonde woman.  This happened maybe in July.  I'd just snapped a picture of a license plate.  It wasn't anywhere near as cool as "BLAST 1".  I don't even remember what it was.  I think there might have been a couple Xs in it, like maybe "XOX 25" - something like that.  I was walking away from the small SUV when I heard the yelling.  

She caught up to me.  She looked at me as though I were a criminal, a pervert, a horrible and sinister person, or all of those together!  I calmly smiled and told her I do a little feature on Facebook called License Plate of the Day and that I thought it would be a good plate to post there. 

"No.  NO!"  she snapped.  "I don't want anybody to see my plate!"

Maybe this was the wrong thing to say but I sort of chuckled and pointed out, "Well, actually MANY people DO see your plate every day!"

She didn't like that.  I told her my father was Eugene A. Baril who retired from the Registry of Motor Vehicles in 1982 and that because of him, on my car I have Massachusetts license plate 280.  She did calm down and lightened up a bit at that point.  She told me she was a former RMV employee and that's where she'd gotten her plate.  But she just didn't want me to use that photo.  I showed her the photo on my phone and I showed her I was deleting it.  She walked away, in a better frame of mind.

No kidding, about two weeks later, I repeated the scene; this time in a shopping center parking lot.  There was a white Cadillac SUV with kind of an interesting plate.  It wasn't even as good as the first woman's.  It was maybe something like "775 J".  I snapped the photo and was walking toward my car.

"Hey, WHAT do you think you're doing?!"

This was also a woman; also middle-aged.  This one was probably ten years older than the first.  She gave off both an affluent and arrogant impression.  I tried my explanation again.  This woman never worked for the RMV.  She also made me feel, you know, like a pervert, and a criminal, and a slippery and undesirable guy.  As in the first case, I showed her I was deleting the photo.

Since then, I'm still looking for interesting and/or significant license plates, but I must admit I look around a lot more and I'm much more careful to make sure nobody is watching me!

So what do you think?  Good hobby, or kind of silly and stupid hobby?  Or both?

Another hobby of mine is amateur writer.  Well, that's why I started this (most eclectic) blog back in 2006!  Don't get me wrong, I love preaching and I loved pastoring.  But I've had two dreams for years:  Newspaper columnist, and radio talk show host.  I guess now some of you are laughing like you're Kamala Harris!  You can stop.  But I don't think there's anything wrong with a person pursuing their interests!

Did you like this story?  You have no idea how much I enjoy feedback.  Even negative feedback.  One of the nicest things you can do for me is leave a comment right here on the blog or leave a comment on the Facebook link (if that's how you found out about this article).  And even better.  Share the link on  Facebook or Share the link somewhere else.  You have no idea how happy that will make me!

And finally if you have a really cool license plate, contact me!  I'll come and take a photo of it, and at least you won't start screaming at me!

The Story of Jack and Allie

 "The first one to plead his cause seems right, Until his neighbor comes and examines him."  (Proverbs 18:17 New King James Version)

I don't know Jack or Allie.  I've never met either of them.  But their story is quite a tale; a tale which in many respects can serve as a parable or as an allegory.  I heard about Jack and Allie from a guy I know.  He knows Jack rather well; both as a coworker and as a friend.  I'll call the guy I know "David".  None of the names I'm using in this piece are the people's real names.  They're all fictitious.  I felt I might get into some real trouble if I used their actual names.  And the geographic references in this piece are also fictitious for similar reasons.  But the story as I present it is essentially true.  I think a lot of folks will find it fascinating, thought provoking, and even challenging.  You may wonder why David possibly told me this story.  As David sort of "lived through" this story because of many conversations Jack had with him, he kind of  "vented" it to me at times as he sought some pastoral advice from me - counsel he might actually be able to give to Jack.  Okay, that's enough of an introduction.  And now the story begins:

Jack and his wife Kathy are in their late fifties and live in suburban Seattle, Washington.  Jack spent a fair amount of time in the Army and later in the Army Reserve.  He's currently an I.T. guy at a high tech company.  My friend David also works at the same company alongside Jack.  Jack and Kathy were never able to conceive a child.  Around 2000, they went through the long and arduous process of adopting an international baby.  Eventually, after monumental hurdles and red tape they adopted a South Korean baby.  I don't know what the baby's birth name was.  No one does.  The baby girl was abandoned in a train station.  There was a note.  The note just stated the mother was age eighteen and had no way to take care of the baby.  She left her there hoping she'd be found, and ultimately adopted by a loving family.  Again, the birth mom did not provide the child's name or date of birth or any other information.

The authorities guessed on a date of birth.  The lack of information made this international adoption even more complicated than usual, but several months after the baby girl was left at the train station Jack and Allie travelled to South Korea to complete the adoption process and bring her to America.  They named her Allie after Kathy's best friend.  David met Allie when she was a teenager.  He described Allie as both very unusual and very impressive.  She got good grades in school, was active in extracurricular activities, and had a number of friends.  But the thing that stood out to David was that she was probably the most polite, respectful, and loving kid he'd ever met.  David said Allie "adored" both of her adoptive parents and never gave them any trouble.  Allie went to a college which was just a few hours drive from home.  The relationship between Allie and Jack and Kathy seemed perfect.

That's why David was both stunned and shocked several months prior to Allie's May 2022 graduation when Jack bluntly told him he'd given Allie an ultimatum.  Within three months of her graduation, she had to secure a good professional job at least two hundred miles from home, and move out!  Jack explained to David that when he turned age eighteen, he enlisted in the Army.  He made his own way from that moment on.  

"No one babied me." said Jack.  "I've been totally on my own ever since.  I've become very successful.  I'm a self made man.  You don't grow up by living with Mommy and Daddy and working at McDonald's part time till you're twenty-seven.  You spread your wings when school ends and you fly."

In May of 2022, Allie graduated from college.  She worked a job as an administrative assistant at a local company for a couple of months, but she feverishly searched for a job in the field she'd trained for.  Amazingly, she landed a position in California.  It was about eight hundred miles from Seattle.  Jack took some time off in August of 2022.  Jack rented a truck and moved Allie to her new residence.  Obviously I'm skipping a lot of details.  David told me the trip as meticulously planned, at least as Jack described it.  An additional bit of information is that Kathy wasn't entirely onboard with Jack's plan but did not object to it, either.

During the first couple of months, Jack gave David glowing reports of how well Allie was doing and how great all of this was.  Somewhere around May of 2023 disaster struck!  Allie contacted her parents.  She hated her job.  She hated her life.  She was not doing well.  At the very least, she needed some serious counseling.  More likely, she was about to experience a complete mental breakdown and hospitalization.

Thank God, Jack did not tell Allie to sink or swim!  He ended up taking more time off from work, driving to California and moving Allie back to their home in suburban Seattle.

Allie "recovered" pretty well.  Today she has a job in her field in Washington State.  She's living on her own, about seventy miles from her parents.  She and her parents have a reasonably good relationship.

I share this story because I think a lot can be learned from it!

Parents so often expect their kids to be just like them, or to follow a life path that they set.   Sometimes that works.  Many times it doesn't.  We are all very different people.  I have three grown kids.  All very much have their own personalities and their own likes, dislikes and hopes and dreams.  My own father was very good in athletics and very mechanically inclined.  I was neither!  At times that did cause problems in our relationship.  One of my three kids is a minister, my daughter Amy.  She's also a Nurse Practitioner.  But I never pushed any of my kids to become ministers or even to go to a Christian college.  

The Bible verse I opened with may not seem at all applicable.  In fact, it's very applicable!  Just because you think something's a great idea - that doesn't mean it's a great idea!

What do you think?  I'd love to receive your feedback.

"Woke Jesus" is a "MUST watch"!

"But though we, or an angel from heaven, preach any other gospel unto you than that which we have preached unto you, let him be accursed." (Galatians 1:8)

I suspect that unless you've been hiding under a rock for the past several years, or that you almost never go online, you're very familiar with The Babylon Bee.  I've gotta tell ya, I love The Babylon Bee.  Admittedly, I was that kid in high school who devoured every issue of MAD Magazine.  And, over fifty years later, I still love great satire!  The folks who produce and distribute The Babylon Bee are pretty much all evangelical Christians.  But before you judge or stereotype them, let me say, they're equal opportunity satirists!  That's what makes the satire so good.  I've got a hard cover book put out by The Babylon Bee that my son gave me a couple of years ago.  It's a satire of evangelical Christian Discipleship books, and no kidding, it trashes "praise the Lord and pass the buck" televangelists who prey on the poor and little old ladies... who promote becoming filthy rich by almost any means, and who have nothing but disdain for hard working, humble, kind, generous, and sacrificial Christians.  And when it comes to politics, sure The Babylon Bee leans Right, but both the Right and the Left are fair game for their satire.

This week they released a short and potentially explosive video entitled "Woke Jesus".  It presents the "Jesus" of both the political left and religious left.  That is, a politically correct, Marxist, revolutionary, secular, inclusive, diverse, highly pro-LGBTQ, highly pro-reproductive rights, entitled, loving and yet hateful, unbiblical, anti-Christian Jesus.  

"They covered all that in just a few minutes?!"

Actually, they DID!

A friend of mine recently put something on Facebook saying he no longer likes the religious saying from the 1990s "W.W.J.D." - That is "What Would Jesus Do?"  It comes from Charles Sheldon's nineteenth century novel, "In His Steps".  That's a good book.  And the idea of asking "What Would Jesus Do?" prior to making any major decision is a great idea.  But my friend Brian doesn't like that saying anymore because the Jesus many of today's people are thinking about when they ask "W.W.J.D." is not the Jesus of the Bible.  It's the Jesus The Babylon Bee presented this week.

I have some very WOKE friends and relatives who argue they admire and act like the real Jesus.  That Jesus is actually the Jesus which the "Woke Jesus" video illustrates.  I challenge such people to slowly read Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John over maybe four or five months.  Discover the Biblical Jesus.  And, sometimes the Biblical Jesus will make you uncomfortable.  He makes me uncomfortable.  In Mark chapter 7, for instance, Jesus is rather rude to a foreign woman.  He essentially calls her a "dog".  He says he hasn't come to minister to people like her, or her daughter who is demon possessed - that he's come to minister to Jews.  Now, the daughter is healed and set free of the demon.  And he does give the woman what she wants; but it's one difficult portion of Scripture!  Another tough portion of the Bible is Luke chapter 16 verses 1-13 and especially verse 8.  That's the Parable of the Unjust Steward.  For years, I would not preach on that Parable.  It commends a shrewd guy who is an embezzler, a liar, and a manipulator.  Honestly, it sounds like something Donald Trump would praise.  But it's said by the Biblical Jesus.  It took me years to truly understand that parable.  The point of it is that although the steward is a horrible person, he does know how to make the most of people and opportunities available to him.  And many times, godly Christian people don't know how to do that.  Finally, there's John chapter 2 verses 13-16 where Jesus makes a whip and goes after the moneychangers in the Temple, flipping over their tables and driving them out.  Sometimes we tell people they should have a "Christlike attitude".  So what do we do with that one?  

My main point is the Jesus of the Bible is nothing like the "Woke Jesus"!  But if you think I'm being blasphemous and trashing Jesus, I'm not!  The story of Jesus is summed up in John 3:16.  No one ever loved you or me like Jesus.  He paid the penalty for our sins on the cross.  In fact, the physical suffering Jesus endured is a cake-walk compared to the spiritual suffering he endured for you and for me.

Watch "Woke Jesus".  If you do a Search for it online, you should find it easily. Then, if you've never done so, take a few weeks and slowly read through all four gospels.  And pray, "Jesus, please reveal yourself to me!"

He will!

And I'd love to have you share the link to this post.  I think this is one of the most important things I've ever written!

IN ZACH'S LIVING ROOM

"If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men." (Romans 12:18)

I'm usually really good at composing something to post on my blog or on Facebook.  I know exactly how to begin.  I know exactly how the whole piece should flow.  I know the main point I'm wanting to express.  And, I usually know a pretty cool way to wrap it up.  

It's Wednesday afternoon and I'm sitting here "flying by the seat of my pants"!  It's humbling and it's embarrassing.  But I need to write this piece.  And I'm looking for feedback - not nasty or insulting feedback -but any thoughts you have that you think might be helpful.

On Monday afternoon, I spent two hours sitting in Zach's living room.  ("Zach" is not his real name, but I chose to use a fictitious name for him.)  I did some talking, but most of the time I listened.  Zach is 87-years-old.  I don't know if this detail is important but he looks more like 75.  He lives alone in a fairly nice, albeit small, single family home located in a suburban neighborhood about an hour's drive from where I live.  

Zach has been rather seriously hearing impaired all of his life.  He wears a hearing aid which allows him to function with reasonably good hearing.  Until about a decade ago his vision was good.  He had a driver's license and drove a late model mini-van.  But his sight declined rapidly over just a few years due to macula degeneration.  Zach has been legally blind for at least five years.  Zach has never used a computer or a smart phone.  The thought of computers is scary to him.  He does use a simple flip phone.  Zach has a service dog - a German Shepherd.  Honestly, the dog's a little scary!  Zach speaks excellent English, although English is his second language.  His parents were immigrants from a faraway country.

My father would be 101 if still alive.  Zach was a friend of my father's - probably his youngest friend.  My father, unlike my very introverted mother, was very outgoing and knew many people.  He met Zach fifty years ago at the Registry of Motor Vehicles in Boston where he worked.  My Dad tended to be very helpful to RMV customers.  They'd be so stressed out and so grateful for the help that they'd sometimes say, "You'll have to come and visit me sometime!"  And he would!  In Zach's case, they got to be very good friends.  During my father's final days on an a nursing home's Alzheimer's unit, Zach regularly visited him.

Following my father's death in 2000, I kept in contact with Zach.  Sometimes we'd go out for Chinese food.  Sometimes we'd just talk on the phone.  Zach's moved (I think) six times since 2000.  Once he moved eight states away for a couple of years but then came back to Massachusetts.  Zach has a brother and a sister who each live less than forty miles from him but his relationship with them is strained.  He has a close friend who lives fifteen miles away, but the friend, like him, doesn't drive. 

About eighteen months ago I called Zach one day, and to my surprise I didn't reach his usual voicemail message.  Instead, a robot-like voice instructed me to leave my name and number after the beep.  I did.  No call back.  I tried again a couple months later.  Same thing.  And again at least four times over several months.  My wife and sister each began asking me why I never talked about Zach anymore.  Each urged me to just go see Zach.  I wanted no part of that!  At Zach's house is a large "BEWARE OF THE DOG" sign.  And he's unable to see.  Honestly, Zach's very suspicious and very paranoid.  I imagined the channel 7 news proclaiming "Intruding minister mauled by service dog"!

A couple of weeks ago,  I tried calling Zach again.  To my shock, Zach answered the phone.  He never did that.  You always had to leave a message and he'd call back.

I nervously told him I was shocked it was really him and Live!  He wasn't amused or impressed.  Zach was usually very polite and very nice.  On this call he was irritable and angry.  He lectured me about what a selfish and uncaring person I was to just ignore him and let him waste away for a year and a half.  I feebly apologized.  He wasn't buying it.  We talked for about twenty minutes.  As the late Don Imus used to say, "It was awful"!

I did try to reassure him I'd call again very soon and I'd visit him very soon.  I don't think he believed me, but one week later I called him.  That was Monday.  I asked if I could come and visit.  He said to come at 2:30 that afternoon if I wanted to, and I did. 

Zach asked me what church near him he could visit.  Normally that's music to a born-again Christian's ears!  But I couldn't come up with a good answer.  I know of a small church less than two miles from where Zach lives.  It's pastored by a nice black man from Africa.  But Zach makes it very clear he doesn't like black people.  And there's a large church about six miles away which attracts people under age 50 and blasts loud contemporary worship music.  Zach would hate it.  If it were possible I'd bring him to church with me.  But I live far from Zach and that's not feasible.  I didn't know what to tell him.

While I was in that living room he made a point of telling me how strongly he supports the Palestinians and how horrible he considers Netanyahu and Israel to be.  I'm pro Israel!  I could sit there waving a Star of David flag!  What do you say to that?

I just smiled and didn't say anything.

At 4:30 Zach wanted me to take both of us to get Chinese food.  I told him I really needed to be going but that I'd be back and take us for a meal sometime soon.

Monday night I was exhausted!

I've been thinking a lot about Monday afternoon in Zach's living room.  As The Beatles asked many years ago:

"All the lonely people, where do they all come from?  All the lonely people, where do they all belong?"

Ashland's Awesome Academy's Afterglow

Have you ever experienced a powerful wave of nostalgia as you drove past a certain place which was once a very special part of your life?  That's exactly what I experienced this past Saturday, March 16, 2024 as I drove past the Federated Church in downtown Ashland, Massachusetts.  That place, the Federated Church in Ashland, was the home for many years of New Covenant Christian School.  And what you may ask was New Covenant Christian School?  Well, New Covenant Christian School, which most of us simply called "NCCS" was a very special and wonderful school.  And it was more than a school.  It was a wonderful place and a wonderful family of mostly idealistic evangelical Christians who in many respects were doing the impossible and having a blast doing it!  My kids are all grown and over thirty, but all of them went to New Covenant during their elementary school years, and my wife Mary Ann taught there for at least five years.

Perhaps the word "Academy" in the title was a stretch.  I guess most academies are secondary schools, or colleges, or graduate schools, or trade schools.  But I'm a preacher, and preachers like alliteration.  Yes, "Ashland's Awesome Academy's Afterglow" would probably be a tough phrase to rattle off five times fast, but I did manage to give New Covenant Christian School All As.  That was my motive!

Ashland is almost smack in the middle of the geographic territory in Massachusetts known as MetroWest.  MetroWest is usually defined as the thirty or so cities and towns which surround Framingham.  They're west of the immediate Boston area and they're east of the immediate Worcester area.  Ashland is a pleasant middle-class town just southwest of Framingham.  

Ashland, Massachusetts is known for a number of things.  In 1918, according to Wikipedia, Henry Ellis Warren invented the first synchronous electric clock in Ashland, Massachusetts.  During the next several decades thousands of electric clocks were manufactured at an Ashland factory.  Ashland is also known for a company named Nyanza Chemical which manufactured textile dyes between 1917 and 1978.  It really should also be known as the town in which New Covenant Christian School began during the mid-1980s and where the school operated for something like twenty years.  It's my opinion that New Covenant Christian School was one of the finest endeavors to ever grace the town of Ashland.

Last Saturday, so much instantly flashed through my mind as I carefully drove through Ashland's town center!  There were special memories of each of my children as well as a number of the children who were from the Framingham church I'd pastored in those days.  There were so many memories of my wife and her teaching years there.  I thought of wonderful special events, Christmas presentations, talent shows, even the chapel services in which sometimes I was the guest speaker.  There was the parking lot which was the play area during recess.  (Believe it or not, that play area in the parking lot did work out pretty well!)  Several hope-filled people started meeting and planning the formation of a Christian School for the MetroWest area way back around 1983.  At that time I was an assistant pastor at a church in Walpole.  There was a woman from that church named Alice Lund who lived in Medway and was one of the people working to start the school.  I remember talking to her about it at the time.  

New Covenant was envisioned as a very unique Christian elementary school.  It would not be owned or operated by any specific church or denomination.  It would be its own corporation and entity.  Shortly after I moved to Framingham in early 1987, the philosophy of New Covenant Christian School was explained to me.  I honestly forget who explained it.  The school actually opened, I believe, in 1986.  It was a collective effort of evangelical Christian people and churches.  There was a governing board.  On the board was one minister who headed up a pastoral advisory committee.  The pastoral advisory committee was made up of several pastors from whose churches the families who formed the school had been drawn.  One item that was stressed to me, and I heard this illustration used by NCCS school board members several times over a number of years, was the "Three Legged Stool" illustration.  The "Three Legged Stool" represented 1. The families who made up the school  2.  The staff of the school  and 3. The churches from which the families came.  It was always stressed that all three needed to carefully work together to support the whole.  Believe it or not, one of the strongest beliefs of NCCS over its first ten years of operation was "No Uniforms!".  I know that's not at all typical of private schools, Christian or otherwise.  But the NCCS philosophy was that children should be taught the proper way to dress by their parents and their teachers, and that uniforms actually undermined that instruction.

I have so many memories of the various principals who served at NCCS over the years.  There was T.J. Sartori, who would never tell you his real name.  He always said it stood for "Through Jesus!".  There was Pamela Jo Brady who was a dynamic speaker and leader.  There was Sue Smith who was and is a committed educator who became a pretty close Baril family friend.  There was Michael Marrapodi who had a strong education background and served the school in its later years.  

Among my most powerful memories of the school are the way it operated in faith during those early days of the late 1980s and early 1990s.  Several times the school reached a financial crisis in those days.  The parents would be notified that unless there was a miracle the school would have to close.  I remember attending several emergency prayer meetings there at the Federated Church sanctuary.  As my good friend Chuck Pierce (who pastored a Framingham church and served as the chairman of the pastoral advisor committee) used to say "charismatics and non-charismatics all came together as one".  We prayed as we were led by the Holy Spirit.  This was not the "vain repetitions" you'll sometimes hear in certain churches.  This was talking to God!  And, no kidding, miracles happened!  Someone would unexpectedly show up at the school with a large check a couple of days after the prayer meeting, or a large check would arrive by mail, and the school would once again be off and running!  I got to know many fine Christian people from other churches and denominations.  Some of them didn't agree with my pentecostal theology, and I didn't agree with some of their theology.  But it really didn't matter.  They were my brothers and sisters in Christ, and as far as this school thing went, we were all in it together!

I'm a typical New Englander which means I don't like change.  But change comes, nonetheless, doesn't it?  In the late 1990s two major changes came to NCCS.  One change was the dissolution of the pastoral advisory committee.  The leadership felt it was unnecessary for the most part - that if there was really some serious pastoral issue to deal with, the pastor of whatever student or family was having an issue should deal with it but a committee was unnecessary.  Honestly, I didn't agree with that decision, but that's life!  A bigger surprise was that the school's leadership went to a policy of requiring uniforms!  Several parents objected to this, including me.  But honestly, I was wrong to object, and I don't mind admitting that publicly.  Uniforms turned out to be a great idea!  It made matters so much easier for every family.  And there just was something nice about seeing all the students in uniforms.  NCCS established a middle school somewhere around 1997 which met at a fairly large church in Framingham.  Somewhere in the mid-2000s NCCS moved out of Ashland.  By that time my wife no longer worked at NCCS and my kids were either in high school or college.  Yes, I'm very sentimental about the Ashland days of the school, but I think they made the right decision.  NCCS had the opportunity to lease an actual school building which included a play area on the school grounds.  This was in Marlborough, Massachusetts.  Initially that location worked out very well.  A happy memory I have of that location is that one year the school put on a talent show.  All of the performers were students.  I was honored to be asked to be the M.C. of the talent show!  I loved it, and I had a wonderful time!

I'm struggling to write this paragraph.  I wish I could say the school went on to grow by leaps and bounds and is now building a spectacular multi-million dollar facility.  Instead I need to report that New Covenant Christian School closed several years ago.  I don't know all of the reasons.  I imagine much of it was financial.  I'm not sure why those emergency prayer meetings with miraculous results never continued on beyond the mid-1990s but they did not.  A lot of the idealism and intense commitment of the parents diminished over time.  I suppose that's not unusual.  I don't know realistically if a church or a Christian school can keep up that level of idealism, commitment, and faith over the long haul.  People grow older.  People get tired.  Things change.

I don't want this to end on a downer!  Rather I want to express the happy, nostalgic memories I have of New Covenant Christian School in Ashland during the late 1980s and early 1990s.  They're precious memories!  I'm way past the age of having school-aged children and being involved up to my eyeballs in a Christian elementary school.  But I hope sometime before I depart this life I'll be able to be involved in a powerful faith-filled endeavor with such a wonderful group of people as was that school in those days.

And, you MetroWest locals:  Every time you drive by the Federated Church in downtown Ashland, think of New Covanant Christian School, be inspired, and thank God!

Is there EVER a CORRECT way to leave a church?

"Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God."  (I Corinthians 10:31)

One of the two hundred or so members of a private Facebook page for Ministers shared an interesting article a few days ago.  The article is, "7 Ways to Not Respond When People Leave Your Church" by Barnabas Piper, an assistant pastor at Immanuel Church in Nashville.  I read the article with interest.  Ouch!  I was guilty of five of the seven bad responses, and I'd say I was "on thin ice" regarding the other two!  I gave that article a lot of thought over the next day or so.  It brought back a lot of mostly bad and painful memories.  During my twenty-three year pastorate in Framingham, MA I did often handle the matter of people leaving the church quite badly.  I went back to the Facebook page post and was surprised there were no comments and only a handful of "Likes".  (That's not typical for the pastors involved with this private Facebook page.)  I posted a comment which said I was surprised the article generated so little response.  I was frank about my own failures, writing that I wish I'd have read an article such as this, or even attended a workshop on the topic of people leaving churches during my pastoring years.  As of this writing, my comment there is still the only one.

Yesterday a gentleman asked me if I miss pastoring.  I told him I mostly do, although there are some things I don't miss.  He snickered, although I was quite serious.  I will say that were I currently pastoring a church I would not write this piece.  I think not currently pastoring, and yet having a lot of pastoral experience gives me an important platform to express what I'm stating here.  The title asks "Is there EVER a CORRECT way to leave a church?"  I think the obvious answer is yes.  And in the words of my opening Scripture, it can be done to the glory of God!

There will always be reasons to leave churches.  Moving out of the area is certainly one reason.  Another is discomfort with the doctrines and practices of the church you're attending.  And, sometimes a person, however nice or well meaning, is just not a good fit in a certain church.  I know of a situation where there were two middle-aged women in the church who were both outstanding cooks.  Each wanted to be the preeminent and supreme cook in the congregation.  There just could not be two.  One left.  And, I suppose if I continue to list all of the reasons people could and do leave churches, I could go on for many, many paragraphs!  But there is a good and reasonable way to leave, and there are certainly bad ways to leave.

My worst memories of people leaving the church I pastored are these three:

1.  The thirty-something single mom of three boys telephoned me on a Saturday evening around eight to inform me they were definitely, immediately, and permanently leaving the church.  This was a total shock.  I told her the method and timing she used to communicate this to me was "tacky".  Several days later, I received an angry call from her.  She'd had to look up the word "tacky" in the dictionary.  One definition was "low class".  She berated me, saying, "I may be low income, but I am not low class."  Was my use of the word "tacky" wise?  Probably not.  But let's face it, it was "tacky"!

2.  A Deacon who had one more year of a three year term to serve at our church turned in a letter for me to read at the church's Annual Business Meeting (which was held the next day) saying he and his family were immediately leaving the church.  I did read the letter at the Annual Business Meeting.  I also stated some negative personal opinions about it.  His wife immediately walked out.  Honestly, it was not my finest hour.  Several months later when they were established in a good church, I did humbly apologize to them, and have ended up having a pretty good relationship with them.  No, what I did was not right, but I will say that during the nine months prior to that Annual Business Meeting I had buried each of my elderly parents, and a prominent member of the church had been arrested and convicted of a very serious crime.  That was a difficult period for the entire church to walk through.  As wrong as it was, this family was sort of our church's "poster family".  I felt we couldn't afford to lose them, and that after all I'd been through during the previous nine months, I just couldn't deal with it. 

3.  One Saturday morning I walked into my office and there was a letter laying on my desk from a woman saying she and her husband were leaving the church immediately.  She held an office in the church.  As I recall, she left her key to the church on my desk, too.  That was what I call a "hit and run".  It hurt a lot!

Now, with all that out of the way, I want to recommend several things to seriously contemplate when you're considering leaving a church:

The First is TIMING.  There's that famous passage in the Book of Ecclesiastes about a time for this and a time for that.  Radio talk show host Jesse Kelly often says, "Timing is everything!"  He is so right!  A phone call to the pastor on a Saturday night telling him you're immediately leaving the church is terrible timing.  Departing a church abruptly when you and your wife are respected lay leaders, at the Annual Business Meeting and following the pastor's recent loss of his parents and even more recent navigation of a devastating crisis in the church is also terrible timing.  You may ask, "When is a good time to leave a church?"  And my answer may sound like a typical evangelical cop-out, but pray about it!

The Second is TECHNIQUE.  A man and his wife were key lay leaders at our church.  They'd been active in the church for about ten years.  She began visiting a close friend's church; first once a month, then every other week, and finally every week.  She told her husband she really wanted them to switch over to that church.  He decided to do so.  But then he asked for a meeting with me.  This guy could not have been more gracious.  He was a very vital part of our church, and he knew so.  That's why he gave me many weeks notice.  I hated to have he and his wife leave, but that notice of many weeks helped with the transition a lot!  Their departure was much more pleasant and much less stressful than it otherwise might have been!  Another key family who'd been at our church "forever" decided they really wanted to look at other church options.  They told me they were taking the entire summer off and would let me know after Labor Day whether or not they'd be back.  At first it was painful not having them around.  But by Labor Day, I was used to it!  I called the wife and asked if they'd come back just for one final service.  They did.  I prayed over them, and we gave them a loving and emotional send off.  Technique is very important.

The Third is TERRITORY.  Sometimes a meeting in the pastor's office or in a disgruntled family's home is greatly uncomfortable.  Meeting at a restaurant and breaking bread together can be a great way to increase healthy communication and reduce tension.  One couple dropped hints they wanted to leave the church.  They invited me and two deacons out to lunch with them on a Saturday at a family restaurant.  (I forget who paid!)  They did inform us they were leaving the church, but said they did not want it to be a nasty thing, and they really wanted us to pray over them and give their decision our blessing.  We did!  That was and still is one of my most positive memories of my pastoring days. 

The Fourth is TRUTH.  Even though we all read that verse in Ephesians about speaking the truth in love, we (sadly) often dismiss it.  One woman wrote me a letter saying that after many years at our church she and her school-aged girls wanted to leave.  Her husband had dropped out of the church several years earlier.  She'd found a church which had excellent programs for her kids and where she thought her husband just might want to attend.  A deaconess at our church commented, "She has a very good point."  She did.  That was the truth.  It was hard to say good-bye, but we did.  Another memory of Truth is a phone call I received from a very elderly minister who was still pastoring full-time.  His church was about twenty miles from mine.  A couple who'd left our church (under not the best terms) was attending his church and had applied for membership there.  I kind of stammered, not knowing what to say to him.  I did not think he should take them into membership, but I did not want to give them a nasty reference, either.  "Look Bob," he said, "I don't want you to be uncomfortable.  I have already decided I'm not going to take them into membership.  It's obvious there's something wrong with them.  I just wanted to see if you had any helpful information to confirm my decision."  We then had a nice and truthful conversation!

The Fifth is THOUGHT.  In some situations, not enough thought has gone into the decision of whether to remain at a church or move to another one.  An older couple bought a nice new home and was moving over forty miles away.  The wife assured me they would continue to come to our church.  I told her I'd love to have them stay at our church but that I thought it was unwise.  It seemed to me that attending a church which was much closer to their new residence would make more sense.  They did find a church in the community they'd moved to.  It was a rather middle-of-the-road Methodist church where they made friends and felt right at home.  That was the right thing for them.  Sometimes, God just wants us to think!

I really hope this article was  helpful.  I would love to hear any feedback you have about it.  When it comes to the issue of leaving or not leaving a church:  "Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God."  (I Corinthians 10:31)

STUFF I WANT TO SAY

"So teach us to number our days, That we may apply our hearts unto wisdom."  (Psalm 90:12)

The quote from Psalm 90 verse 12 I'm opening with is from the King James Version.  In the more up-to-date New Living Translation, it's translated as, "Teach us to realize the brevity of life, so that we may grow in wisdom."

This is not a hint for presents or cards or anything like that.  I do have a birthday coming up in a few days.  Honestly, although I'm glad to be feeling better now, I was very depressed this year from about June 15 to about August 15.  I came very close to telling my wife and my sister, "Look, I'll just remember my age changes to sixty-nine this September, but I don't want anything special done this year.  I don't want to celebrate, so let's just leave it at that!"

My wife Mary Ann and my daughter Rachel also have September birthdays.  And, my sister Dianne is probably the biggest "birthday person" I've ever known.  So, I didn't make that ominous birthday announcement, and I guess at this point I'm glad I didn't.  

However, I did decide to use the birthday thing as an excuse to pester family and friends to read a blog post, and this is the blog post.  I almost gave it a title like, My Favorite Things, but I realized that sounds like some stupid, sappy title Oprah would use!  I think Stuff I Want to Say works better!

I recently read the weirdest memorial service invitation/announcement I've ever encountered.  A terminally ill woman is having a "Celebration of Life" event.  Now, I think we've probably all attended "Celebration of Life" memorial services.  But this one is unique!  It's planned to happen while she is still alive!  There will be balloons and lots of celebratory aspects to the event.  I guess she wants to attend her own funeral, and to have fun, at that!

I gotta tell ya, I'm very conservative, but I love the idea!  I like it so much, I wouldn't mind doing it myself some day - although I don't know if my wife or my sister would go along with that!  Anyway some of the Stuff I Want to Say may not surprise you a bit - but some of it just might!  Maybe someday when I do pass somebody will want to read this at the memorial service - and that might be a good idea!

I'm going to say a number of things that are very important to me, and I'm going to categorize them with using the famous questions:  WHO?  WHAT?  WHEN?  WHERE?  WHY?  and  HOW?  

Here we go:

1.  WHO?  It might surprise you but there are many people in my life that mean a lot to me and who have had a profound influence on my life.  Of course this includes my wife and kids, but it also includes many others.  But, for this piece I want to name the two people I've known in my life that I consider the greatest Christians:  Opal Reddin and Norman Milley, Sr.  Opal Reddin was a professor at Central Bible College.  I believe she died in 2005.  Many students considered her lightweight, super-spiritual, not academically deep, and very unrealistic.  I never agreed with those students.  She was not perfect.  She did think Pentecostals were better than anybody else and she didn't particularly care for Billy Graham and his family.  (I did not agree with her about the Graham family.)  But Opal Reddin was just a really godly woman.  She taught a course on "Acts of the Apostles" at C.B.C.  Wow!  What a class.  From time to time she'd say something like, "Now class the Holy Spirit is wanting to move, let's start worshiping and be open to the Spirit."  I know that may sound foolish or extreme.  But in fact the Holy Spirit would move on those occasions.  I remember some of the sweetest times in the presence of the Lord were in her classroom.  Many years later I corresponded with her a few times.  She was happy that my daughter Amy was a student at Evangel and was hoping to meet her.  She passed away before that could happen.  As far as Norman Milley, Sr., he worked construction most of his life.  He was the Superintendent on the Mystic River Bridge job.  Milley worked for Perini Construction.  In his spare time he went out and started churches!  No kidding.  He became a Licensed Assemblies of God minister in 1936.  I can still see him.  He was tall with a head of white hair.  He had a strong Newfoudland accent.  When he just walked by you, you could feel the presence of God!  He was very humble, but people were in awe of him.

2.  WHAT?  I want to tell you WHAT was my greatest desire in life?  That was to serve and honor the Lord... to be a good pastor, to be a good husband, to be a good father, to be a good Christian, to be a godly man who regularly prayed and read the Bible and lived for God.

Next, WHAT was my greatest fear in life?  That was to fall far short of the goals of my greatest desire... to live a compromised, worldly life, to be thought of as a bad husband, a bad father, a bad pastor, and a superficial and inadequate Christian.  Specifically, if I would ever be dishonored as a pastor, disgraced, rebuked, and told what a poor pastor and family man I was, that would be my greatest fear.  Then, WHAT is my greatest regret in life?  It's that in 2010 my greatest fear HAPPENED!  I wrote about that recently on Facebook.  I am not exaggerating when I say I would easily have preferred a terminal cancer diagnosis or an early onset Alzheimer's Disease diagnosis.  I don't say that lightly.  My mother died of cancer.  My father had advanced Alzheimer's Disease.  As horrible as cancer and dementia are I'd have welcomed either of them instead of what happened in 2010.

3.  WHEN?  WHEN were the happiest years of my life so far?  Easily those were 2002 and 1982.  2002 was one of the few years in my life in which I was financially comfortable and in which I visited a couple of cool places.  And 1982 was the year Mary Ann and I got married.

4.  WHERE?  You're probably wondering WHERE those cool places are that I visited in 2002?  They are Alaska, specifically Alaska's Inside Passage, and Prince Edward Island.  In July of 2002 Mary Ann and I flew to Vancouver, and took a cruise from there throughout Alaska's Inside Passage.  Both British Columbia and Alaska are breathtakingly beautiful.  I wouldn't mind going there again!  And in October of 2002 we drove to Prince Edward Island.  My maternal grandmother was born near Souris, PEI in 1888.  If you like greenery and you like the ocean, you'd like Prince Edward Island.  The people seem as if they came right out of Little House on the Prairie.  It's such a peaceful and beautiful and cool place, it was difficult to leave!  Now I will give an honorable mention to two other place I love to visit:  Vermont, particularly the Stowe area and the Burlington area, and Cape Cod.  They're two of my favorite places in the States.

5.  WHY?  I want to tell you WHY there are two films I really love.  My favorite film is Field of Dreams and a very close second is The Apostle.  I know some of my Christian friends will argue that Field of Dreams is sort of a New Age film.  It is.  And I'm no fan of New Age.  But it's a fantasy.  No, a bunch of professional baseball players are not going to show up in your back yard playing catch.  You have to use your imagination and also look for the symbolism when you watch this film.  I've seen it many times and I never get tired of it.  I relate so much to the character Ray Kinsella.  He's idealistic to a fault.  So am I.  When I became a born-again Christian and later went to Bible College, these were not plans my sensible, practical middle-class parents had for me.  I always wanted my parents to see me as successful.  I don't think they ever did.  My favorite scene in that movie is where it's December and Ray is looking out the back door window watching the baseball field he built filling up with snow.  His wife is telling him they're in real financial trouble and they'd be fine if he hadn't built that baseball field.  In 1992, I "pulled a Ray Kinsella" in my own life and ministry.  I brought a totally bizarre, foolish, and unrealistic proposal to the church I was pastoring.  Actually, most people were willing to go along with it, but a minority reported it to my ecclesiastical superiors.  I was called in, and I had to agree to stop what I was planning to do.  I did.  I'm not mad at those guys.  They had to be practical and realistic.  I suppose if some guy brought a similar proposal to me today, I'd probably react the way those men did.  I thought about that recently.  And I wondered:  Just what if we had been allowed to do what I was proposing?  Would the church still have eventually declined and failed?  Or would great things have happened, and we'd have been on the cover of national magazines?  Only God knows.  As far as The Apostle, if you can, watch it.  I know Christians don't like this film, either.  The Rev. E.F. Dewey (Robert Duvall's character) is a drinker, womanizer, and murderer.  He's also a very idealistic and powerful man of God.  I know that may sound crazy, but he was "all that"!  And also that character is someone I relate to very much.  There's a scene in the middle of night in which Rev. Dewey is up "yelling at God".  He talks to God and prays to God like he's a little kid begging his Dad to increase his allowance.  I've prayed a lot like that, too!  Yes, I'm a lot like Ray Kinsella and I'm a lot like E.F. "Sonny" Dewey.  If you really get a hold of who those guys are, you'll have a good understanding of who Bob Baril is.  

6.  HOW?  HOW would I most like to be remembered when it really is time for my funeral?  I'd like to be remembered as genuine and vulnerable.  And that's what I think I have been as I've written this piece.

I'd love to know what you thought of this piece!  Thanks for reading it!