“And he sighed deeply in his spirit, and saith, Why doth this generation seek after a sign? verily I sat unto you, There shall no sign be given unto this generation.” (Mark 8:12).
I have not had a complete physical examination since 1989. (Well, in a sense, I’ve NEVER had a complete physical examination because I’ve never had a colonoscopy.) To the best of my knowledge the last time I saw a doctor was in 2002 when I had a massive nosebleed I could not stop. At that time my nose was cauterized by the doctor on duty at the E.R. at Framingham Union. Prior to 1993, I had no problem with going to the doctor. In fact, I thought people who were afraid of going to the doctor were just weird and wrong.
In early 1993, my wife Mary Ann had lapriscopic (may be spelled wrong) gall bladder surgery at Framingham Union. Things did not go well. In the days following surgery, she got VERY sick and nearly died. The doctors at Framingham (for the most part) “missed” what was wrong. To make a very long story short, Mary Ann spent several weeks at Brigham & Women’s Hospital in Boston. Under the outstanding care of Dr. Carr-Locke and his associates, she got well, but Mary Ann nearly died. My mother-in-law, a nurse at Newton-Wellesley Hospital had encouraged her to have the gall bladder surgery. In fact, being a nurse, she’ll encourage you to see a doctor if you have a hangnail. When Mary Ann was hanging between life and death, I was amazed to find that my mother-in-law, who is always telling people to go to the doctor, actually had LITTLE trust in doctors! That whole experience shocked me and it badly scarred me. While I’m proud that my daughter Amy is a Pediatric Nurse, I tend to view many medical people, clinics, doctors, medical technicians, and ESPECIALLY health insurance companies with suspiciion and sadness. I went to the E.R. with the nosebleed because it was bad enough. In 2000 I severely burned my hands when there was a burst hot water pipe in my church office. I reluctantly went to the E.R. then. Thank God my hands are fine and show no signs at all of the severe burns they received. I DID have a “general checkup” at a doctor’s office in 1994 but it was a far cry from a completely physical.
Now, I DO go to Optometrist appointments for my eyes. I HAVE to have eyeglasses to drive and I have a reading prescription. I also go to the Dentist. Honestly, the dental is MUCH more for cosmetic reasons than for medical reasons. I just don’t want to look like some redneck missing 5 or 6 teeth! As it is, I had a dental checkup last week and I was kind of horrified that the hygienist posted a QUOTE of mine on my dental records on the computer saying, “Patient made the comment, ‘I don’t like to floss much!’”.
Remember I wrote on this blog a few entries ago about the 51-year-old who dropped dead of a heart attack? Well, today a couple of people (NOT my immediate family) gave me an EARFUL about how SELFISH that guy was and that people who don’t go to the doctor and risk heart attacks, etc. are very selfish. I frankly suspect it was a “shot” at me because these people know I pretty much don’t go to the doctor...that I’ve not seen a doctor at all in 5 years and that I’ve not had any kind of a “real” physical in 18 years. I will admit I feel kind of guilty. Am I selfish? Well....maybe.
As a pastor I always try to encourage those who are in the hospital or who have medical issues. But in my heart of hearts, I really don’t want to be real old or (like many old people) I don’t want my life to be nothing but hospital stays and doctor visits.
On the other hand, maybe God is calling me to let go of the 1993 experience with Mary Ann, and maybe HE wants me to be the type that’s at the doctor’s a lot more often. I know that Jesus went to the cross for me, and IF he wanted me to live to be 100 even with Alzheimer’s or whatever, I guess I have an obligation to Him no matter how I feel. If it seems as though this whole thing about “Is it morally wrong to not go to the doctor and is it morally wrong to risk having a heart attack or something else?” is a major internal crisis for me, and a spiritual struggle for me- IT IS.
I called this piece “People Mechanics” because my friend (and First Assembly of God of Framingham church member) Bill Lincoln (who is a car mechanic and shares my aversion to going to the doctor) calls doctors “People Mechanics”.
Now, please ... if you have any nonjudgmental and non-condescending thoughts about my struggle re. doctors, hospitals, etc. I am willing to listen. AND, if you feel led to pray that I’d change my ways and get a physical...go ahead.... as much as I’ve said “I’ll never get another physical”, I HAVE learned that with God you “never say never”.
I have not had a complete physical examination since 1989. (Well, in a sense, I’ve NEVER had a complete physical examination because I’ve never had a colonoscopy.) To the best of my knowledge the last time I saw a doctor was in 2002 when I had a massive nosebleed I could not stop. At that time my nose was cauterized by the doctor on duty at the E.R. at Framingham Union. Prior to 1993, I had no problem with going to the doctor. In fact, I thought people who were afraid of going to the doctor were just weird and wrong.
In early 1993, my wife Mary Ann had lapriscopic (may be spelled wrong) gall bladder surgery at Framingham Union. Things did not go well. In the days following surgery, she got VERY sick and nearly died. The doctors at Framingham (for the most part) “missed” what was wrong. To make a very long story short, Mary Ann spent several weeks at Brigham & Women’s Hospital in Boston. Under the outstanding care of Dr. Carr-Locke and his associates, she got well, but Mary Ann nearly died. My mother-in-law, a nurse at Newton-Wellesley Hospital had encouraged her to have the gall bladder surgery. In fact, being a nurse, she’ll encourage you to see a doctor if you have a hangnail. When Mary Ann was hanging between life and death, I was amazed to find that my mother-in-law, who is always telling people to go to the doctor, actually had LITTLE trust in doctors! That whole experience shocked me and it badly scarred me. While I’m proud that my daughter Amy is a Pediatric Nurse, I tend to view many medical people, clinics, doctors, medical technicians, and ESPECIALLY health insurance companies with suspiciion and sadness. I went to the E.R. with the nosebleed because it was bad enough. In 2000 I severely burned my hands when there was a burst hot water pipe in my church office. I reluctantly went to the E.R. then. Thank God my hands are fine and show no signs at all of the severe burns they received. I DID have a “general checkup” at a doctor’s office in 1994 but it was a far cry from a completely physical.
Now, I DO go to Optometrist appointments for my eyes. I HAVE to have eyeglasses to drive and I have a reading prescription. I also go to the Dentist. Honestly, the dental is MUCH more for cosmetic reasons than for medical reasons. I just don’t want to look like some redneck missing 5 or 6 teeth! As it is, I had a dental checkup last week and I was kind of horrified that the hygienist posted a QUOTE of mine on my dental records on the computer saying, “Patient made the comment, ‘I don’t like to floss much!’”.
Remember I wrote on this blog a few entries ago about the 51-year-old who dropped dead of a heart attack? Well, today a couple of people (NOT my immediate family) gave me an EARFUL about how SELFISH that guy was and that people who don’t go to the doctor and risk heart attacks, etc. are very selfish. I frankly suspect it was a “shot” at me because these people know I pretty much don’t go to the doctor...that I’ve not seen a doctor at all in 5 years and that I’ve not had any kind of a “real” physical in 18 years. I will admit I feel kind of guilty. Am I selfish? Well....maybe.
As a pastor I always try to encourage those who are in the hospital or who have medical issues. But in my heart of hearts, I really don’t want to be real old or (like many old people) I don’t want my life to be nothing but hospital stays and doctor visits.
On the other hand, maybe God is calling me to let go of the 1993 experience with Mary Ann, and maybe HE wants me to be the type that’s at the doctor’s a lot more often. I know that Jesus went to the cross for me, and IF he wanted me to live to be 100 even with Alzheimer’s or whatever, I guess I have an obligation to Him no matter how I feel. If it seems as though this whole thing about “Is it morally wrong to not go to the doctor and is it morally wrong to risk having a heart attack or something else?” is a major internal crisis for me, and a spiritual struggle for me- IT IS.
I called this piece “People Mechanics” because my friend (and First Assembly of God of Framingham church member) Bill Lincoln (who is a car mechanic and shares my aversion to going to the doctor) calls doctors “People Mechanics”.
Now, please ... if you have any nonjudgmental and non-condescending thoughts about my struggle re. doctors, hospitals, etc. I am willing to listen. AND, if you feel led to pray that I’d change my ways and get a physical...go ahead.... as much as I’ve said “I’ll never get another physical”, I HAVE learned that with God you “never say never”.
2 comments:
I understand completely how you feel. Just be thankful you are not a woman. PTL
david is just like you. i made him go to the doctor today because he has a rach ALL OVER his body that looked like shingles! he was miserable, and finally decided we should go.
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