A LESSON FROM JACKIE

“Then said he unto the disciples, It is impossible but that offences will come: but woe unto him, through whom they come!
It were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.
Take heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him.” (Luke 17:1-3)

I had a conversation recently which caused me to remember Jackie. That’s her real first name. Jackie was short for Jacqueline. Jackie was about twenty years older than me. She and her husband became born-again Christians in 1979, and I had a big part in discipling them. Jackie was a character. I say “was”. She’s no longer with us, having passed away from cancer in 2000. Jackie was a chain smoker, and I believe that had a lot to do with her death. Jackie was married to Kent, a much quieter and more mild mannered person than she, and they had four very macho sons in their late teens and early twenties. Jackie was outspoken and opinionated. She was also very sensitive and would go to ANY lengths to try to right a wrong as she perceived it. Jackie just didn’t let things go...she hung on to things. I hate to admit it, but in a lot of ways I’m a lot like her. We’re both ethnically French Canadian. Many French Canadians are very sensitive and emotional people and definitely hold on to things. Listen, it’s not per chance they drive around with those “Je Me Souviens” license plates! That means “I remember” and it means they remember New France being snatched away by the English, and they are just never going to forget that!

But back to why I was thinking about Jackie. As I said above, a recent conversation caused me to think about her. The conversation was about a person who just WILL NOT let something go. Jackie experienced some terrible tragedies in her life. Especially for a person who was a fairly “new” evangelical Christian...being taught to believe God for miracles and answered prayer, and being taught to trust in God who has a wise plan for one’s life and who never gives us more than we can handle, well, Jackie’s faith was really challenged time and again. In 1980, her 20-year-old son Jon was killed instantly as he tried to walk across a busy highway. She was not hesitant to say Jon was her favorite child,and she was absolutely devastated. Looking back, as distraught and sorrowful as she WAS, it’s truly a miracle she didn’t have a complete mental breakdown over it. Four years later, another son was in a bad accident. The pickup truck he was driving flipped over on Route 1. He broke his neck and was paralyzed from the neck down. Once again, Jackie was sent into a complete tailspin that lasted for probably two months. She “sort of” recovered but was never really right after that.

Jackie could have a wonderful sense of humor. She was also very sociable and loved to host cookouts at her home in the summer months. But she struggled with depression, and kept chain smoking those Benson & Hedges 100s. There was a conversation everybody who knew Jackie had experienced with her MANY times. It would go something like this:

“I don’t know why other people complain that they have trials. They don’t know the meaning of trials. My son is DEAD. My other son is paralyzed for life. Why did God take my son? Why did my son die? Why did He allow Craig to be paralyzed? A lady said, 'Pray for me, I have a mole on my nose.' I wanted to PUNCH that mole right off her nose?! My son is paralyzed! My son is dead! Why does GOD do these things to me?”

I can’t tell you how many times Jackie said those words, or words very similar to me and to everyone who knew her. And, over and over again. We prayed for her. We listened to her. We read Bible verses to her. We tried to console her. We tried to tell her comforting stories...that never worked. We heard this conversation over and over and over and over...
You’ve heard that annoying Shari Lewis song that little kids sing, “The song that does not end...”. It’s kind of like that.

As painful as it is for me, I’m like Jackie! For one thing, I will take up others’ offenses. I can get far more upset FOR other people and their offenses than even they are. I’ll write letters and e-mails. I’ll shout the thing from the mountaintops. I’ll beat the issue to death until everybody is sick of it. Even the victim is sick of it! I don’t get in trouble on my answering service job too often, but that taking up an offense thing DID get me in trouble a couple of months ago. Most of the medical practices we answer for are very professional and do a great job. A few, well, just aren’t and don’t. There’s one that seemingly never returns calls and doesn’t seem to care much about its patients. Of course, we have to be professional and represent our clients. A woman called who was very upset with one of those practices that does not return calls, etc. She told me of her illness and that she had been calling for two weeks and never got a call back. She was totally distraught. I took up her offense.

“You know what I’D do?!” I said to her, “I’d get in my car and drive right over there and say, here I am and I’ve been calling you for two weeks!” As soon as I got off the call I got reprimanded by my Supervisor. And a couple of days later I got spoken to by the person in charge of the whole answering service. And, I realized they were right. I had allowed myself to become emotionally involved and I took up someone’s offense which it really was not my place to do.

I can definitely take up another person’s offense and sometimes just run with it, and other times, like Jackie, I will try to see that a wrong is righted and will just not stop talking about it. Now, please don’t misunderstand me. If “the emperor has no clothes on” and no one has the guts to say that, I think it’s noble to say, “Hey, the emperor has no clothes!” And listen, I’ve done that PLENTY in life. But you have to be careful about becoming a Johnny one note and just talking about it ALL THE TIME.
There’s a guy who used to live in Framingham whose issue was “head injuries”. He made some good points, but that is ALL he wanted to talk about. He wrote numerous letters to the newspaper about head injuries. He filed legislation about head injuries. He constantly talked about head injuries. He really meant well, but after you’d spent some time with the guy, you felt like YOU had a head injury!

Yeah, I hate to admit it, but I do that! Do you?
I realize I can be a lot like Jackie and her famous speech of:
“I don’t know why other people complain that they have trials. They don’t know the meaning of trials. My son is DEAD. My other son is paralyzed for life. Why did God take my son? Why did my son die? Why did He allow Craig to be paralyzed? A lady said, 'Pray for me, I have a mole on my nose.' I wanted to PUNCH that mole right off her nose?! My son is paralyzed! My son is dead! Why does GOD do these things to me?”

So, I have to learn that from time to time, being the guy who rocks the boat and says, “The emperor has no clothes” is a GOOD thing, but being that Johnny one note who gives the same speech for the 1000th time is a bad thing.

It’s going to take me awhile to learn this lesson. For sure, at times I will blow it totally, but it IS truly “A Lesson From Jackie”.