THE MOOSE TEST

"A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones." (Proverbs 17:22)

I've got a confession to make that may shock some folks. Despite the fact that for years I have been known as a news and current events junkie, and that for almost as many years I have been known as a political junkie, it's not even September yet and I'm totally sick of all the talking about the upcoming presidential election. Some of you know, that although I am a registered Republican, I'm sick of seeing all the "likes" for Romney and Ryan from many of my Facebook friends. (I'm even SICKER of all the "likes" for Obama and Biden from many of my other Facebook friends.) SO, this piece has nothing to do with politics and nothing to do with anything "heavy".

SOMETIMES WE'VE GOTTA LIGHTEN UP!

As I write, I'm listening to one of my favorite radio programs "streaming live" on the computer. It's the Public Radio International "word play" game show, "Says You". If you've never heard that before, it's a lot of fun, and if you listen you'll not only have fun but DEFINITELY learn some "stuff"! Now, LAST week around this time, as I was driving along Route 290 in Worcester County, they were doing an exercise on the show where a phrase would be given and the panelists would have to guess what PRODUCT was involved. The host came to the phrase,

"The Moose Test".

I kind of "cracked up"! I immediately know the answer to "The Moose Test".

Now, to be accurate, I did NOT get the answer that "Says You" wanted. THEIR answer was "Volvo". Apparently, "The Moose Test" was something that involved crashing a Volvo into a Moose...or at least into a stuffed moose.

I knew about another Moose test that comes from over fifty years ago!

Sometimes I've described my father, Eugene A. "Gene" Baril, as a very accomplished man and a very strict person. I've also described him as complicated. Gene Baril had a very FUNNY, SILLY, FUN LOVING side, too! "The Moose Test" goes back to his early days as a Mass. Registry of Motor Vehicles Inspector. (A "Registry Inspector" was a Registry Police office. Years later the name was changed to "Registry Police" and in the 1990s they were merged into the State Police.) Back in the 1950s and 1960s, the entry level Registry Inspectors were given the task of giving driver's license tests. Now, THIS was BEFORE the days of Learner's Permits. Since the mid-1960s, 16-year-lds have been able to take a written test to get their Learner's Permit. Then, after Driver's Ed. and at least six months, they can come to the Registry for their road test. In the pre-1965 days, your driver's license test consisted of BOTH an oral exam on the Driver's License manual to see if you understood the Mass. Motor Vehicle laws of driving, THEN you took your driving test a few minutes later.

One of the remote sites for driving test examinations was the Norwood Armory, an impressive stone building in downtown Norwood, MA. As Dad described it, the interior of the Armory in the area where the oral exams were given had a moose head mounted on the wall. Dad and his Registry Inspector buddies used to like to pull little pranks to break up the boredom. One thing they'd do is make up a bunch of ridiculous names, then in front of a group of terrified teens waiting to be examined, they'd announce people who apparently hadn't shown up that they were trying to locate.

"Marsha VanAllshott," Dad might billow out. "Marsha VanAllshott?! Is Marsha VanAllshott here?!"

"Sherman L. Sturdley," he'd add, "Where's Sherman L. Sturdley?".

The favorite fake name of Dad and his close friend Bill Mitchell was Stilianos Kerikledes. Each exam day, either Dad or Bill, depending upon whose turn it was would yell, "Stilianos Kerikledes!! Looking for Stilianos Kerikledes!!"

Now, the grand belly laugh of them all, however, was what Dad always said he'd do if he got a "really weird" applicant who was taking the oral exam. Dad promised his colleagues that IF he was examining a real weirdo, he would tell the person that the NEXT part of the exam was:

"The Moose Test".

He would then, in rapid fire fashion, announce that the moose test involved looking at the moose head on the wall and telling if the moose's eyes were BLINKING!

Dad said he'd seriously and firmly ask, "Is the moose's LEFT eye blinking?" followed by, "Is the moose's RIGHT eye blinking?"

Dad was convinced that a weirdo would absolutely say "YES" to each!

Well, the day came that a VERY strange WOMAN came up to take her driver's examination!
I'm not sure exactly how Dad determined she was very strange, but knowing him, part of it was that he could hardly get through asking the questions without laughing his head off.

After the initial oral exam, the big moment came.

Dad, making sure he was LOUD, announced to the woman, "Now for the next part of the test we have THE MOOSE TEST!"

Of course, his buddies dropped everything THEY were doing and stared, incredulously.

Firmly, loudly, and in an authoritative manner, Dad asked, "Is the moose's LEFT eye blinking?"

She immediately responded "Yes!"

Followed by, "Is the moose's RIGHT eye blinking?"

and another "Yes!"

You know, this is a story from over fifty years ago. I am not sure if the weird woman got her driver's license or not, but somehow I have a feeling that SHE PROBABLY DID!!