LIFE AS A LOUD PERSON

"I call heaven and earth to record this day against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life, that both thou and thy seed may live:" (Deuteronomy 30:19)

My title for this piece was my fifth choice.  Initially, I came up with, "Confessions of a Loudmouth".   In a way, it wasn't a bad title, but I just didn't care for the word, "confessions" and all that it implied!  My next choice was, "Life as a Loudmouth";  then, "A Loudmouth's Life"; and then, "A Loud Person's Life".  Finally, I came up with the least catchy but most accurate title:  "Life as a Loud Person".  I'm loud.  That is, my voice is very loud.  It's penetrating and it carries.  My choice of Deuteronomy 30:19 above was intended to highlight the part about, "blessing and cursing".  You see, I am not sure if my loud, booming, penetrating, carrying voice is more of a blessing or if it's more of a curse.  Throughout the course of my life, it's been both.

I am guessing that probably about five percent of the world's adults are blessed or cursed with one of these loud, booming, penetrating, carrying voices.  I don't think it's many more people than that.   Folks who are of the five percent will absolutely resonate with what I'm writing here.  And, folks who are of the ninety-five percent who have "normal" voices, or at least softer ones, may never truly understand those of us who have naturally loud voices, but this may help you to appreciate us better and to learn some things that I suspect you did not know about us.

My voice is absolutely genetic.  My father had the same voice.  Well, to be completely accurate, my father's voice was very similar to mine with the exception that it was even louder and more penetrating than mine is!  Dad was one of eight children (one died in childhood).  Only two of them had these amazingly loud and penetrating voices:  My Aunt Estelle and my father.  I remember that when Aunt Estelle would call on the telephone, you could hear every word she was saying coming out of the receiver;  in fact, the words were blasting from the receiver!  You could walk into the next room and still hear just about every word she said.  It was amazing.  When she spoke in person, her "normal" voice just boomed.  Aunt Estelle did not need a microphone.  She could have addressed any large crowd with her voice only- and virtually no one would have had any difficulty hearing her.  Dad also came booming through the phone when he spoke.  When he was having a typical conversation, it could be heard throughout the house.

Dad used to have very long phone conversations late at night with my Aunt Flo.  Flo did not have the booming voice, but she was a perfectionist like Dad and she could be argumentative like Dad.  My father would be on the phone with Aunt Flo between Midnight and 2 a.m.  Their conversations would often be arguments about the proper way to close a garage door, or the proper way to change a light bulb, or the correct way to store paint cans.  (I'm not kidding!)  My father's general conversation would blast into my bedroom upstairs.  I could hear every word clearly and distinctly and I absolutely could not sleep!  Ultimately, I got myself some good quality ear plugs, and I'd pop them in every night!  It was the only way I could sleep.  You may think my father was very inconsiderate, but as a person who has inherited this voice, I know that my father had no idea how loud and penetrating it was.  When he spoke what for him was just normally, it actually was blasting through the house.  That can be the curse part of being one of the five percent!   This may be hard for a lot of you to believe, but it's true.  We're just speaking comfortably and normally.  To us, it doesn't particularly sound loud at all.  In fact, when we're confronted about being too loud, it's very shocking and embarrassing to us!

Over twenty years ago, I was with a group of pastor friends in a van riding down to meet a pastor friend in northern New Jersey.  I was having a conversation with one guy in the van when he suddenly looked at me angrily and said, "Stop shouting at me, Bob!"  I was absolutely shocked because I was not shouting, I was having a conversation.  I was quite embarrassed, and pretty much stopped talking for awhile.  Just about three years ago, I was at a restaurant with a friend.  I was pouring out my heart to my friend, sharing about a personal situation that was greatly troubling me.  There was a middle-aged man seated directly across from me.  He looked a lot like New Jersey's Governor Chris Christie. As I spoke, I realized the "Chris Christie" guy was staring at me.   In fact, he was angrily glaring at me.  He looked a little "off".  He was not eating; just glaring at me.  I stopped, looked directly at him, and nervously asked, "Are you O.K.?"  He immediately and angrily shot back, "Yeah, are YOU??!!"  My friend with whom I was speaking then calmly said to me, "Bob, I don't think you realize it, but you're actually very loud and everyone in the restaurant can hear you."  I was completely humiliated, embarrassed, and quite ashamed.  Theses are just two of scores and scores of such situations that have happened throughout my life.  I guess it's like the way being seven feet, five inches tall would have its good points and bad points.  You'd probably become a great basketball player, but you'd be always whacking your head on things!

During the many years I pastored, my voice was great for the pulpit!  I have written on my blog previously about Claire Grimes, a senior citizen who served for years as our church's Secretary.  Claire began wearing a hearing aid about twenty years ago.  By 2000, her hearing was quite bad.  Claire's hearing loss really (and understandably) bothered her.  On more than one occasion she said to me, "I could not hear anything the people said in Sunday School class,  I could not hear what anyone said at fellowship time, and I could not hear any of the testimonies people gave during the service. But there's one thing I'm thankful for.  I can always hear you!  I never miss any of the sermon or any of your Sunday School teaching.  I hear every word you say clearly!"  Knowing that has more than made up for the negative things that have been communicated to me about my loud voice!

I will say that when I think about it, I can speak softer.  What you probably don't realize, though, is that for those of us with these booming voices, it's a chore to have to think about it, and when I am forcing myself to keep my voice down it feels very uncomfortable and unnatural to me.  One might think it would get easier, but it doesn't, because when you're born with one of these booming voices, just speaking at a comfortable volume is natural and trying to force it to be soft is very unnatural and not comfortable.  Ironically, the more I like a person and the more I feel comfortable with a person, the more I'm going to speak (what to them is) loudly!  To then be told,  "Stop shouting at me, Bob!" honestly feels like a total rejection and is deeply painful.

At the answering service job where I work, we're in "close quarters" in a call center.  Of course, if my voice is booming so strongly that no one else in the room can hear, well, the other operators can't do their jobs.  It has been tough for me at times.  I try to think about it and deliberately keep my voice down; at least fifty percent of the time, I totally fail at this!  I will say, that Marianne, a coworker, just looks at me pleasantly and says, "Inside voice, please!"  and that works for me.  I have told my coworkers that if I'm loud, I do not realize it- to just nicely remind me, and I will work at toning it down.  Most of the time, that's worked O.K.

This leads me to a word of advice for those of you who are exasperated with a friend or family member who has one of these booming, penetrating voices.  Please understand that for that person, to be angrily confronted about it is deeply  embarrassing and very painful.  Please don't say something angry and confrontational about their loud voice!  Instead, calmly and pleasantly say something like, "I'm really not trying to be a jerk or anything, but I don't think you realize you're very loud.  Could you just speak a little softer?"  That is GRACE in action!  For the "Loud Person" it's a thousand times easier to receive!  Instead of making you want to hide in a shell or run away or (frankly) feel sorry for yourself, it makes you want to (as uncomfortable and unnatural as it is) speak softer to accommodate the person who pointed out your loudness.

Now, you've got to admit, it's a shame I never went into the military service!  Wouldn't I have made a great drill sergeant?!

I hope you found this piece to be helpful to you.