"The first one to plead his cause seems right, Until his neighbor comes and examines him." (Proverbs 18:17 New King James Version)
I don't know Jack or Allie. I've never met either of them. But their story is quite a tale; a tale which in many respects can serve as a parable or as an allegory. I heard about Jack and Allie from a guy I know. He knows Jack rather well; both as a coworker and as a friend. I'll call the guy I know "David". None of the names I'm using in this piece are the people's real names. They're all fictitious. I felt I might get into some real trouble if I used their actual names. And the geographic references in this piece are also fictitious for similar reasons. But the story as I present it is essentially true. I think a lot of folks will find it fascinating, thought provoking, and even challenging. You may wonder why David possibly told me this story. As David sort of "lived through" this story because of many conversations Jack had with him, he kind of "vented" it to me at times as he sought some pastoral advice from me - counsel he might actually be able to give to Jack. Okay, that's enough of an introduction. And now the story begins:
Jack and his wife Kathy are in their late fifties and live in suburban Seattle, Washington. Jack spent a fair amount of time in the Army and later in the Army Reserve. He's currently an I.T. guy at a high tech company. My friend David also works at the same company alongside Jack. Jack and Kathy were never able to conceive a child. Around 2000, they went through the long and arduous process of adopting an international baby. Eventually, after monumental hurdles and red tape they adopted a South Korean baby. I don't know what the baby's birth name was. No one does. The baby girl was abandoned in a train station. There was a note. The note just stated the mother was age eighteen and had no way to take care of the baby. She left her there hoping she'd be found, and ultimately adopted by a loving family. Again, the birth mom did not provide the child's name or date of birth or any other information.
The authorities guessed on a date of birth. The lack of information made this international adoption even more complicated than usual, but several months after the baby girl was left at the train station Jack and Allie travelled to South Korea to complete the adoption process and bring her to America. They named her Allie after Kathy's best friend. David met Allie when she was a teenager. He described Allie as both very unusual and very impressive. She got good grades in school, was active in extracurricular activities, and had a number of friends. But the thing that stood out to David was that she was probably the most polite, respectful, and loving kid he'd ever met. David said Allie "adored" both of her adoptive parents and never gave them any trouble. Allie went to a college which was just a few hours drive from home. The relationship between Allie and Jack and Kathy seemed perfect.
That's why David was both stunned and shocked several months prior to Allie's May 2022 graduation when Jack bluntly told him he'd given Allie an ultimatum. Within three months of her graduation, she had to secure a good professional job at least two hundred miles from home, and move out! Jack explained to David that when he turned age eighteen, he enlisted in the Army. He made his own way from that moment on.
"No one babied me." said Jack. "I've been totally on my own ever since. I've become very successful. I'm a self made man. You don't grow up by living with Mommy and Daddy and working at McDonald's part time till you're twenty-seven. You spread your wings when school ends and you fly."
In May of 2022, Allie graduated from college. She worked a job as an administrative assistant at a local company for a couple of months, but she feverishly searched for a job in the field she'd trained for. Amazingly, she landed a position in California. It was about eight hundred miles from Seattle. Jack took some time off in August of 2022. Jack rented a truck and moved Allie to her new residence. Obviously I'm skipping a lot of details. David told me the trip as meticulously planned, at least as Jack described it. An additional bit of information is that Kathy wasn't entirely onboard with Jack's plan but did not object to it, either.
During the first couple of months, Jack gave David glowing reports of how well Allie was doing and how great all of this was. Somewhere around May of 2023 disaster struck! Allie contacted her parents. She hated her job. She hated her life. She was not doing well. At the very least, she needed some serious counseling. More likely, she was about to experience a complete mental breakdown and hospitalization.
Thank God, Jack did not tell Allie to sink or swim! He ended up taking more time off from work, driving to California and moving Allie back to their home in suburban Seattle.
Allie "recovered" pretty well. Today she has a job in her field in Washington State. She's living on her own, about seventy miles from her parents. She and her parents have a reasonably good relationship.
I share this story because I think a lot can be learned from it!
Parents so often expect their kids to be just like them, or to follow a life path that they set. Sometimes that works. Many times it doesn't. We are all very different people. I have three grown kids. All very much have their own personalities and their own likes, dislikes and hopes and dreams. My own father was very good in athletics and very mechanically inclined. I was neither! At times that did cause problems in our relationship. One of my three kids is a minister, my daughter Amy. She's also a Nurse Practitioner. But I never pushed any of my kids to become ministers or even to go to a Christian college.
The Bible verse I opened with may not seem at all applicable. In fact, it's very applicable! Just because you think something's a great idea - that doesn't mean it's a great idea!
What do you think? I'd love to receive your feedback.
No comments:
Post a Comment