A KICK IN THE HEAD

“...Friend, I do thee no wrong: ...” (from Matthew 20:13)

One of my sister Dianne’s “big” expressions is, “I didn’t see it comin’!”  It expresses her dismay, regret, and exasperation when there is a negative happenstance she just didn’t expect. That expression fits what happened to me this past Sunday:  I didn’t see it comin’!

If I wrote a book of “best of” and “worst of” aspects of being a pastor, this one would make the “worst of” category.  I thought we had a good Sunday School class on Sunday, a good “praise & worship” time of music and song, a good prayer time, and a reasonably good (albeit brief) Communion service.  Honestly, the sermon was just O.K.  I was not as well prepared as I could have been, and I kind of rushed through it- but it was not horrible.  Immediately following the service, my wife and I stood at the rear to greet “parishioners” as they left the church building.  The first person was a man.  I held out my hand to greet him.  He gruffly refused to shake hands, turned away, and marched up the stairs.  My wife and I were each puzzled to say the least.

A couple of hours later I went on-line at my home computer.  There was an e-mail from the guy who refused to shake hands.  I’ll call him Fred.  Fred is not a church member, but is in attendance probably two or three times a month.  He almost always arrives late for church.  Sometimes, he’s left the service quite early, usually in an abrupt manner.  Other times, he’s very cheerful, friendly, and talkative.  Fred’s e-mail was long, detailed, and very hostile.  To sum it up, I can’t do anything right as a pastor- I’m controlling, self-absorbed, manipulative, and have no real interest in the welfare of the church people.  Is that an exact quote of what he wrote?  No.  But it sums it up quite well.  The church itself did not fare well in this guy’s critique, either.  Essentially, he gave me an “F” and the church a “D”.  I know it’s not usually recommended that you fire an e-mail right back at something like that, but I did.  My e-mail was brief.  I told him I have a particular personality and leadership style that people either absolutely love or absolutely hate.  I am who I am.  I told him that when he finds the church that’s right for him, to let me know, I’d love to hear about it.  (There IS no such church.  I wonder how long it will take him to find that out!)

I know conventional wisdom says, “Consider the source”.  I really believe 95% of the people at our church would NOT agree with this guy.  At least 50% would VERY STRONGLY disagree with him.  I know I have to put it in perspective.  But it still hurts very much.  I want to stress something in this column that I hope my readers will never forget:  Never drop a negative “bombshell” on your pastor anytime during a Sunday or on a Saturday night.  NEVER!  

This guy should have called or e-mailed (preferably called) during the week.  He should have set up an appointment to come to see me and speak to me in person.  Maybe it would have been somewhat unpleasant for me, but it would be FAR better than what he did!  Will I get over this?  Sure.  I’ve experienced worse than this from disgruntled church attenders in the past...probably at least ten such negative “bombshells” since 1987.  I’ll get over it and move on, but somehow it still feels like a kick in the head.