TRAITS

“Know ye not that they which run in a race run all, but one receiveth the prize?  So run, that ye may obtain.” (I Corinthians 9:24)

Some time ago, I posted an entry on this blog entitled, “Protocol”.  As I recall, it essentially expressed my opinion about how people should and should not conduct themselves in life.  I “got some flack” as a result of that posting.  I realize at the outset of this piece I may be setting myself up for the same kind of thing- this MAY offend some people.  I assure you it’s really not meant to be offensive!  A guy I knew years ago used to walk around wearing a button which read, “Pobody’s Nerfect!”.  Indeed, we’ve all got shortcomings.  If I were to write a piece entitled, “The Shortcomings of Bob Baril”, it would be so long that I’d probably have to present it in four or five installments!  Yes, I’ve got LOTS of shortcomings, but I do desire improvement in my life.  I really don’t want to be a prisoner to my faults and failings and I certainly don’t want those faults and failings to cause me to have a far less enjoyable and successful life than I could have experienced. Soooo, this paragraph is my disclaimer for what’s coming!

Sunday evening,  in the midst of eating a bowl of pasta and  watching television,  I was thinking about the paradox of somebody I know who constantly offends people by his behavior, and yet has absolutely no idea  how often or to what degree he offends people.  I started pondering that, and then I started thinking about traits people have that I greatly admire as well as traits people have that I greatly dislike.  I actually scribbled them down on a napkin...well that’s all I had for paper in proximity to my T.V. tray!  I came  up with seven traits I dislike and seven traits I admire.  

Here are the seven traits I dislike in people, going from the one that least bothers me to the one that most bothers me:

7.  LAZINESS.  I was once such a lazy person that I could have been “the sluggard” described in the Book of Proverbs. As a kid when I’d watch the character Dr. Zachary Smith who wanted to just lie around and avoid work on the “Lost in Space” T.V. show I used to think he had a point!  Somewhere in my 20s all that began to change and by the time I was in my 30s, I’d become a “workaholic”.  So, it’s not that I’ve never been a lazy person, because I HAVE been.  Perhaps, in the same manner that former smokers can be the most brutal critics of smokers, the fact that I’ve forsaken and overcome laziness is why I now really dislike that trait in people.

6.  “NOSY PEOPLE”.  I tried to think of a classier term, and there must be one, but that trait of people snooping into other people’s business (when it really should be of no concern to them) bothers me.  I guess the classier term for such people is “busybodies”.

5.  CLUELESSNESS.  Clueless people are not perceptive people.  A clueless person doesn’t pick up on “body language” or other social cues.  A clueless person  may think someone wants to listen to them spend a half hour talking about the benefits of automatic transmission cars verses standard shift cars....or about unbleached coffee filters verses bleached coffee filters.  They don’t.  A clueless person would say something like, “We were WRONG in Vietnam!” not even considering he may be talking to a Vietnam Vet who is still dealing with the pain of coming home for a horrific war experience and never even being welcomed home.

4.  MANIPULATIVE.  My father disliked a female relative who used to try to con him into doing favors for her by saying things like, “YOU WOULDN’T MIND driving me to the airport!”  I encounter all kinds of manipulative people in all kinds of situations.  Sadly, some evangelical ministers are quite manipulative and don’t understand why that would be offensive to people!  

3.  PROCRASTINATORS.  Listen, I still struggle at times with being a procrastinator, so this is a trait I dislike in MYSELF, but I know of one person who left a substantial portion of his house unfinished for over forty years, planning to finish it when he got around to it... wait, no kidding, I know of another such person who also did the SAME thing.   Cats may have 9 lives, but people don’t!  If there’s something that needs to be done, well, do it.

2.  SUSPICION.  I don’t mean healthy curiosity, that’s good.  Sure, if someone is acting really weird and they make a number of bizarre claims, you SHOULD be suspicious.  Some people, however, are ridiculously suspicious.  I know of one guy who is suspicious of EVERYBODY.  He constantly makes statements such as, “I’d like to know what they’re REAL motive is”...about EVERYBODY...all the time!  Iguess he should have been a detective.  Yes, we should not be naive, but we also don’t need to be automatically suspicious of everybody all of the time.

1.  “CHEAPNESS”.  I guess there’s got to be a classier word for it, but I call it “cheapness”.  I’ve heard some “holier-than-thou” people say, “I’m just being a good steward”.  No, you’re cheap.  If you always leave less than a 10% tip at restaurants, you’re cheap.  If you’ll NEVER buy some kid’s Girl Scout cookies because you resent being asked to, you’re cheap.  If you waste gasoline trying to find the cheapest gasoline, or even worse, if you drive to Cape Cod to save $10. on some item (but forget about the time and money it cost you to drive to Cape Cod to buy the item) you’re cheap.

Now, lest this get too depressing, here are the seven traits I LIKE in people, going from the least to the one I MOST admire:

7.  RESILIENCY.  Resilient people don’t let anything keep them down.  No matter what difficulties they face, they get right up and keep going.  I know of  family who lost everything in a fire when their home burned to the ground.  Actually, no kidding, I know of two such families.  In both cases, they were very positive, pressed on, and became inspirations to others.

6.  QUIETNESS.  I can think of several people I know who talk incessantly, and I also have a tendency to talk incessantly.  There’s just something I admire about the person who is quiet...who doesn’t say much, but when they do talk, they say something really beneficial or profound.  Job’s Comforters talked incessantly.  The one friend of Job’s who helped him just came and sat quietly.  There’s a lot to be said for quietness.  (Yes, ponder THAT last sentence for awhile!)

5.   LOYALTY.  A Brazilian pastor friend of mine told me that when he pastored in New Jersey he showed up for church one Sunday to find most of the people in his church were GONE.  The guy’s youth pastor had started another church and taken most of the people with him.  The youth pastor neglected to say anything to the pastor about it!  Now that’s disloyalty!  President George W. Bush is a very loyal person.  He’s taken tremendous criticism for keeping people on the job too long and refusing to fire people due to loyalty to them.  Yes, I know he’s thought of as a jerk for that,and I’m NOT a big George W. Bush fan but I actually ADMIRE the fact that he is “loyal to a fault”.

4.  AFFIRMING.  I like affirming and encouraging people!  I like it when people build others up rather than tear them down.  It’s what the Bible calls “The Gift of Exhortation”.  We need more encouraging people.  We need to affirm positive traits in others.  When I meet an affirming person, I want to “hang out” with that person!

3.  COMPASSION.  I have a friend who lived in inner city Newark, New Jersey working with mostly needy children and teens.  I know of a woman who has dedicated her life to helping desperately needy people in Haiti. What a wonderful trait compassion is!  It’s the opposite of selfishness.  Compassionate people make a difference!

2.  HUMOR.  Where would we be without humor?!  People sometimes don’t understand why I like “The Three Stooges”, or why I’ll sometimes be laughing so hard at one of life’s situations that I’ll throw up!  Laughter is a great gift.  I think humorous people contribute quite a bit to society.  I miss Larry Glick.  He was a Boston area radio host.  Yes, I know, he was into hypnosis and some really stupid stuff, BUT he had a great sense of humor and his show was SO funny!  I love humorous people!

1.  FORGIVING.  People who have learned the secret of forgiveness are the most blessed people in the world!  Unforgiveness is a cancer that can destroy you.  Forgiveness is liberating.  Jesus Christ STRESSED the importance of forgiveness.  I know it’s not easy to forgive some people, but think of how YOU feel when people refuse to forgive you, and I hope that will make it a little easier for you to forgive other people.

Well, I hope you can forgive me for writing such a long piece, and I hope this one goes over better than “Protocol” did!