FATHER'S DAY

“And he said unto another, Follow me. But he said, Lord, suffer me first to go and bury my father. Jesus said unto him, Let the dead bury their dead: but go thou and preach the kingdom of God.” (Luke 9:59-60)

In the U.S.A., Mother’s Day is always celebrated on the 2nd Sunday of May and Father’s Day is always celebrated on the 3rd Sunday of June. I’m not sure why those particular weeks were chosen. When I was a kid, I often asked my parents, “When is ‘Children’s Day’?” They used to tell me that every day was children’s day! In fact, there IS a “Children’s Sunday” which is the second Sunday of June, so this coming Sunday is “Children’s Sunday”.

Now, back to Father’s Day. I know Father’s Day is not until June 21, but for me, yesterday was Father’s Day. June 9, 2009 marked nine years since my father’s death. I have only been present at the time of someone’s death twice, and that was for the deaths of my parents. There is something about watching your father become elderly, then develop dementia, become literally as a little child, and then fade away and die. It’s sobering. My father was 77 at the time of his death. I’m now 54, so I’m 23 years younger than he was at the time of his death.

I was addressing a letter (printing it, no computer or typewriter) a couple of days ago, and as I looked at the printing, I realized my printing is REMARKABLY like my father’s. I did not have a really close relationship with my father. Patti Davis Reagan, for instance, has said that her father, President Ronald Reagan was not the type who cried and wore his feelings on his sleeve. There was always a professionalism and a distance about him. He just was never going to start crying and “get in touch with his feelings” or anything like that. She has said that when he was alive that drove her crazy about him and she often fought and feuded with him. When he became quite senile and childlike, she very much regretted that she was not closer to her father, and came to understand that President Reagan’s demeanor was just the way “men’s men” of the pre-1950 era were. Patti Davis came to appreciate her Dad a little bit too late.

I was never at war with my father the way Patti Davis was with Ronald Reagan, but I very much relate to a lot of what she went through. I have my Dad’s booming speaking voice and I have his perfectionism. But internally I’m MUCH more like my mother. My mother could cry almost on cue. She was actually very smart, but had lots of self doubt. Dad was a leader. Mom wasn’t. Dad was ready to face any and every obstacle that came his way. Given similar circumstances, Mom would rather run and hide and pull the covers up over her head! My brother Eddie and I had a hard time living up to my father’s expectations. Dad was a very accomplished pilot, a World War 2 veteran, a flight instructor. Neither Eddie nor I were all that interested in flying. Dad played several high school sports. Eddie was a bit better at sports than I was, but neither of us even came CLOSE to my father as far as sports and athletics. I think Eddie felt inferior because he wasn’t a good public speaker, and I felt inferior because I was a poor mechanic. Yes, Dad was both a great public speaker and a good mechanic.

Eugene A. Baril was this towering figure in my life. Both of my parents had taught their children from the time we were very young that the WORST thing we could ever do was leave the Catholic Church. Well, becoming an Assemblies of God minister was not exactly their dream career for their oldest son! My father was the type that treated you like you were a kid, even when you were over 21. It got a little better when I moved out of the house, but that “parent and child” dynamic never stopped. Well, actually, it DID. It reversed. Watching my father go from a towering authority figure to a helpless and confused child over just a four year period was shocking, confusing, and devastating. Taking him to doctor appointments and leading him around and directing him like you would a little kid was very bizarre. After all these years, I’m still sad and struggling to type these words.

Dad entered the Charwell House nursing home on October 1, 1999. We had to trick him to get him into the car and get him to the nursing home. His old friend Tony said, “Gene, come for a ride with me.” That’s how we got him there. Tony walked out of the nursing home crying that day. He hated having to trick him, but in Dad’s confused and agitated state, that’s the only way we were going to get him there. I visited him every Sunday afternoon at the nursing home. On the final Sunday visit on June 4, 2000 it was like he wasn’t there at all. We brought him a chocolate milk shake. He’d usually drink them right down, and he hardly touched it. Word came on June 8 that he was near death. I spent most of June 8 and June 9 at the nursing home. He passed away at 3:35 p.m. on Friday, June 9, 2000.

Like Patti Davis about Ronald Reagan, there’s a lot of reflecting and emotion. Was my father proud of me? Was he disappointed that I became a minister? Did it still bother him that I had almost no mechanical ability? Did he wish I’d have died and not Eddie? Did he think I did a good job raising my kids? Was he proud of my kids? Did he regret that we hadn’t been closer?

My father’s favorite soft drink was Seven-Up. I actually STILL get a little teary and emotional when I see a bottle of Seven-Up. His favorite dessert was “Creme Horns”. I actually really like “Creme Horns”, too, and I think of him every time I eat one. Dad loved to go flying in his friend Vic Sorgente’s Piper Cub. He also used to make extra money in the 1950s towing signs over beaches and special events. I never see a plane towing a sign that it doesn’t make me think of my father. Dad’s favorite possession was his 1952 antique Jeep. Any time I see an old Jeep on the road, I think of my father. Many of you know I have Massachusetts plate number 280 on my car which I inherited from my father, and I’m proud to have it. Yes, my father has passed away. And so June 9, the 9th Anniversary of his death has been a Father’s Day for me.

Please don’t get me wrong. I had a good father. He was hardworking and a good provider and family man. I just wish I’d have had a better relationship with him. I realize a lot of that was probably my fault. In closing, I do want to add that I’m very grateful for God my Heavenly Father who loves me unconditionally! I’m very grateful that my earthly father accepted Jesus Christ as His Personal Lord and Savior before he died, and that one day I’ll see him again in Heaven. I’m very grateful to BE a father, myself...to have three kids who are now young adults and who each are committed Christians; and I’m just as grateful for my son-in-law, David Julian. For those of you whose fathers are living- please make every effort to appreciate them and to reach out in love to them this Father’s Day, June 21.