"CHARMING"

"Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain..." (from Proverbs 31:30 New King James Version)

Not long ago, a friend of mine mentioned to me that he'd met a guy I know. In describing the guy, my friend said, "He was charming". Over the next couple of days, I found myself thinking of that description over and over again in my mind: "He was charming". One reason I thought about it is that I virtually never use the word "charming" to describe a person or an object. It's not a conscious choice, but I realize I just don't use that term. Another reason I thought of it is that the guy he was describing really IS "charming". As I pondered all this, I wondered if "charming" is a positive or a negative trait. I'm sure my friend was using "charming" as a positive description of the guy.

You know, I would never want to be described as "charming". To me, there's something in the term "charming" that says, "too good to be true". A term I DO sometimes use to describe people is "syrupy sweet". My son says, "sappy". My maternal grandfather, Joseph Philip Richard died in 1960, so I did not get to know him well, but my mother often talked about him and his "sayings". He had a bunch of sayings even as Benjamin Franklin did. ONE of his folksy sayings, for example, was "You can always BUY but you can't always SELL." Another was, "NEVER co-sign a loan." Now, the one I'm thinking of for THIS piece is, "Beware of anyone who's 'nicey nice'." Yup, old French Canadian Joseph Philip Richard's term for "charming" was "nicey nice". From what I heard about my mother's father is that he was very "real". He smoked a pipe. He loved Smith Brothers wild cherry cough drops. He was a deeply religious Roman Catholic; he went to mass every day and twice on Sundays, and had enough "Sacred Heart of Jesus" pictures in his room for a Catholic church! He worked hard at the post office, and he did his best to keep up the "three decker" house he owned in Boston's Roxbury neighborhood. But one thing Joseph Philip Richard was NOT was "charming".

I'm not charming, either. I can be very funny and very humorous. I can be a very entertaining storyteller. I'm a good teacher and good speaker. I have quite a knowledge of trivia. I like some people and I'm not always crazy about others, although I TRY to "love thy neighbor" as the Good Book says. But I'm not charming.

I looked up "charming" in several on-line dictionaries. Some definitions of the word were quite positive, but especially at the Miriam-Webster on-line dictionary site, they DID include some negative connotations of the word, and they offered a place for comments. Jesn Losanes Leysa of HOTEL RIO posted this very telling comment about "charming":

"All charming people have something to conceal, usually their total dependence on the appreciation of others".

Know what? None of my kids would be described as "charming" and I'm kind of glad about that. I hope my grandson Ben grows up to be a very nice guy and a committed Christian, but I honestly hope he's not "charming".

"HARDPAN"

"...To day if ye will hear his voice, harden not your hearts." (Hebrews 4:7)

"Hardpan". Actually, until I checked on Google this morning, I thought the term was "hard pan"; and in fact, I wasn't sure if it was a proper geological term, a construction term, or just something my father made up. Maybe it's because I'd be considered a "city slicker" but I'm terribly unfamiliar with most agricultural, geological, and construction terms. My Dad had our house in Canton, MA built by a contractor in 1958. The lot was very small, especially considering the size of many lots in a suburb like Canton. Dad was one of those "children of the Depression" who pretty much never threw anything out. By the early 1970s, the basement of the house was full, and he needed "more storage space". I guess that was before all those storage rental unit things they have today. Dad hired another contractor and had a second building constructed on the property...a 2 car garage with a room for storage above the garage area. I'm not sure why, but when he had the foundation poured for this, he did NOT have a floor done. Maybe it was to save money. Today, my sister owns that property, and several years ago, she had a floor and driveway put in. I remember the days of trying to drive in mud in that "driveway" in the spring. I also remember that the dirt floor led to a lot of dampness in that garage, and that the floor was as hard as a rock.

THAT is where "hardpan" comes in. Years later, my father weighed the benefits of putting in a concrete floor there. He was concerned about the "hardpan" that would have to be taken up. You see we may have gotten mud in the driveway in the spring, but the floor of the garage, though dirt, was hard. It was as hard as iron. No kidding. Now, it was terribly UNEVEN, but it was HARD. I honestly thought maybe Dad had made up the term "hardpan" but this morning I learned he hadn't.

I guess it can take jackhammers to "dig up" the hardpan and prepare a space like that for gravel and concrete to make a proper modern garage floor. Sadly, I suspect that hardpan must be easier to move than a heart that has become hardened. I think unforgiveness has crippled and defeated many Christians...perhaps more so than anything else. For the sake of time and space I won't quote it, but please look up and read Matthew chapter 18, especially the last part of the chapter. If you read that and take it seriously, you'll know you CANNOT allow unforgiveness in your heart for it can and will DESTROY you!

Listen, please don't think I'm some kind of a "holy joe" in this area. Yes, I'm a born-again Christian and I love the Lord, but at times I have struggled greatly with unforgiveness. I thank God He did save me, because if He hadn't, I'd probably be one of the most unforgiving people in the world! I heard a sermon by a radio preacher about unforgiveness when I was 19. In my heart, the Lord showed me that I harbored unforgiveness toward my father. It was affecting my attitude toward him and my relationship with him. When I was 4, I was punished for something I did not do. Listen, my father punished the old fashioned way...the pre-World War 2 way if some of you know what I mean. I was severely punished for something I had not done. I had shoved that memory and unforgiveness into my soul and it was hindering me spiritually and in other ways, as well. You know, as I thought of that it was HARD to forgive him. I struggled with it. Finally I prayed and to the best of my ability, I forgave him and asked the Lord to help me to forgive him and let go of that thing. It did not happen overnight, but within a few weeks, honestly, that was GONE and I was free of it!

I have had to repeat that process regarding other people and other situations scores and scores of times since then. It's never easy. Listen, I'm loaded with faults, myself, and on my own, I don't forgive easily. But it's not worth developing a root of bitterness (see Hebrews 12:15). Now, I'm no bleeding heart liberal. You may ask, "What about a rape victim, is she supposed to forgive the guy?" Ultimately, yes, BUT I believe that guy should be punished to the fullest extent of the law. That's the balance.

This is something I've been thinking a lot about lately. There are a lot of Christians harboring unforgiveness. It's killing and crippling the church and it's killing and crippling them.

Listen, TAKE THIS TO GOD! Forgive! Put God's jackhammer to that HARDPAN in your heart!

LETTER TO A THIEF...

"...be sure your sin will find you out." (from Numbers 32:23)

Dear Person who stole items from my automobile on Saturday, July 30:

I doubt you'll actually read this, but I write with the hope that it will make some sort of a different and positive impact for many persons who WILL read it. I worked a few hours at my Framingham telephone answering service job on Saturday. It felt great to get into my old but reliable 1995 Subaru Impreza sedan at 8 p.m. and head for home in south central Massachusetts. I happily tuned in to a favorite show of mine on Boston's NPR station.

As I drove along the MASSPIKE, something just didn't seem quite right. Some folks would call me, "sort of O.C.D." I believe in, "a place for everything and everything in its place." I KNEW I'd had my clip-on sunglasses with me. These were no cheap department store pair! They came from the optical store along with the premium pair of eyeglasses. I'd laid them in their little case on the passenger seat earlier. As I drove, I fumbled and looked for that clip-on sunglasses case. To my frustration and confusion, it was NOWHERE. That wasn't normal!

Then came a quick flash of apprehension: My devotional books- WHERE WERE THEY?! You may not understand the term "devotional books" so let me explain. First, a five year old gray canvas Bible cover with a cool logo on the front intended for a middle schooler's Bible. I bought that cheap at a Christian bookstore. Inside the canvas container, a thin hardcover journal, and a very inexpensive New King James Version Bible. In addition, various notes and papers with material written down which would only mean something to me.

You won't believe this but NO possession on earth meant more to me than that gray canvas Bible cover and its contents! True, the zipper was broken and the gray Bible cover has held together by two large rubber bands. It didn't LOOK like anything special. But if my residence were found to be on fire, that's the one item I'd have tried to carry away with me. If my residence was destroyed by a tornado, I'd be walking through the rubble looking for my devotional books. I'd gladly have preferred to part with my cell phone, or EVEN MY WALLET!

Yes, you're probably laughing and asking why the Subaru was unlocked. There's only one key to the Subaru. It's on my key ring. It's badly worn, and recently got bent. The key will barely work in the ignition. It WON'T work in any of the door locks, hence I have to leave the Subaru unlocked. I never thought anyone would want to steal my devotional books!

The past couple of years have been a season of great losses for me, including the closing of the church I pastored. This is the latest loss. Over twenty years ago, it was the Rev. David Dean, then pastor of First Baptist Church of Sudbury, who encouraged me to begin keeping a devotional journal. He'd kept and saved his devotional journals for years. David told me, "You can look back and see what you were going through and what you were feeling fiver or ten years earlier, and be reminded of the the Lord has done in your life." So I began that practice around 1989. I have all my past devotional journals saved in a file drawer at home; One for every year. In December, I plot out what my Bible readings will be for each day of the coming year. When I do my readings, I write down anything that "spoke to me" from that passage or something new I've learned from it. I also list prayer requests. In addition, I write down what the weather was for the day, and what my mood was like. Granted, there are a lot of abbreviations and very personal things written that others might not understand. But I intend that after I "pass on", those journals will be a legacy for my children and grandchildren to browse through. I want to leave that legacy that despite my faults and failures, I was a man of prayer, and a man who studied and meditated upon God's Word.

Now 2011 will be missing from that collection. It will be like the year there was no World Series! It will be sort of a hole in the devotional life of Bob Baril- like a large jigsaw puzzle missing a piece.

I know we should not let unfortunate events like that theft from my Subaru "throw" us- but I must admit that for a short time, it did. I came home very sad and thinking I just wouldn't bother keeping devotional anymore. I was angry at whoever stole my devotional books and sunglasses; I was angry with God for allowing them to be stolen; and I was angry with the devil just in case he had anything to do with it. After a big plate of pasta and cheese, and a mug of coffee, I calmed down. I reasoned I'll still read the Bible and pray each day- just no more journaling for the rest of the year. I'll start again with January 1, 2012. In place of the 2011 Devotional Journal in my files will be a copy of this written piece.

Ironically, during my thirty minute break on Saturday afternoon, I'd sat in the car and read Galatians chapter three. I "saw" something in that chapter that had never "stood out" to me before, and I wrote about that in the journal; wrapped the canvas cover with the rubber bands and laid it on the seat.

I hope you'll stop and think next time you want to "life" something from someone's car. My best advice is: DON'T! But if you INSIST upon it, please don't take something that's so sacred and irreplaceable. How do you KNOW if it's "sacred and irreplaceable"? Well, if there's any doubt about that, DON'T TAKE IT!

I'm supposed to love you and forgive you and pray for you, according to the Bible. Honestly, it's hard! Whitey Bulger may be accused of having murdered 19 people, but somehow I don't think he'd have stolen a person's devotional books off of their car's front seat. I think he'd have a little more class than that. I pray you do come to know the Lord in a personal way, that you come to repentance, and that someday you'll be keeping your own devotional journals.

Firmly,
BOB BARIL

JON BARIL'S BIRTHDAY

"...time came that she should be delivered; and she brought forth a son." (from Luke 1:57)

Today is our son Jon's 28th birthday. His legal name is Jonathan David Baril, but for many years he has been "Jon" or as he signs his name Jon Baril tk. As far as what "tk" means, you'll have to ask him! I'm in kind of a reflective mood this morning because this year Jon's birthday falls on a Saturday and he was actually born on a Saturday in 1983. That year, it was a very hot and very humid day. My wife was several days overdue and her labor was induced. It was a long, slow day at the Norwood Hospital, and I know it was especially grueling for her. Around 6 p.m., I went home, had an English muffin with peanut butter and a mug of coffee, and called a few friends asking them to pray that Mary Ann's labor would speed up. When I got back to the hospital, her labor was indeed progressing. At almost 10 p.m. Mary Ann was taken into the delivery room where she gave birth. Yeah, I was present for it all. I'm not the most macho guy, but no, I didn't pass out or anything like that. Our daughters were born in the much "cooler" and "more contemporary" birthing room, but Jon was born into that very clinical and sterile delivery room.

In those days, we did not know what the sex was going to be ahead of time. It was an overwhelming experience to know I was a father and had a son. In those days, there was also a "fathers' waiting room". It wasn't being used as much in that era, but was leftover from the pre-1970 days when NO man was ever present when his children were being born. Even so, at that time, fathers wrote on a green chalkboard in there the name of their child, the birthday, and the weight, and I did that for Jon. I went home, went to sleep, and got up and taught Adult Sunday School the next day.

The whole thing of parenthood is an adventure that we try hard at and where most of us have our great successes and our catastrophic disasters, and I have been no different. I was 28, myself, when Jon was born and he is now 28. Twenty-eight years from now, IF I am still living, I will be 84! That's incredible to me! We don't have a lot of say about our genetics. My own parents had many wonderful qualities, but each of them had two or three glaring flaws. While I've inherited my Dad's strong public speaking ability and somewhat charismatic personality, and my Mom's deep sensitivity, I also was the only one of their kids who inherited ALL of their faults seemingly without measure! I've STRUGGLED with that!

I say that because Jon got many positives...great musical ability, high intelligence, great communication ability, and especially that he is a gifted writer. But he also got my temper, my tendency to look on the dark side of life, and my great resistance to change. As I inherited some of the worst qualities of my parents, I'd say that was true for Jon among our children.

I feel kind of guilty about that. Yet, it's no more my fault than it is my parents' fault that I inherited their "lousy points"! I believe God gives us our talents and abilities, but He also allows certain people (like Jon and like me) to inherit some of the worst traits of their parents. This gives us the chance and opportunity to need to draw much closer to Him than some other people seem to need to do, and to have to learn to surrender to Him, and yield to Him, sometimes with tears streaming down our face, much more than other people seem to need to do. You know, the Bible says in Luke 12:48, "...for unto whomsoever much is given, of him shall be much required..." That kind of "cuts both ways".

In life, I held onto a lot of the bad points and character flaws much longer than I should have or needed to. (Not that I'm free of 'em all, 'cause I'm sure not...it's all a process.) The positive in all this, is you can be a real help to another Believer who is struggling with forgiveness or undesirable circumstances or unfairness or a host of other things, because you understand and have "been there". I've had the experiencing of many times being able to minister to someone who is really hurting... who is really "crushed", so to speak; in a way that others have not been able to.

Jon is much farther back in this life journey than I am. My hope and prayer for him is that he will allow God's process and pruning in his life to progress at a much faster pace than I allowed it in my own life, DESPITE the pain and seeming unfairness of it.

Well, that's all my reflecting and philosophizing for now. Happy Birthday, Jon!

NEVER ASSUME

“Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgment.” (John 7:24)

“Never assume.” If I had a dollar bill for every time I heard that phrase said by my father, I could probably retire! I hear it MOST often when I was learning to drive. Dad believed it was drivers who carelessly ASSUMED things that ended up getting KILLED. He DID have a valid frame of reference for this viewpoint. Dad investigated scores of fatal accidents during his career at the Massachusetts Registry of Motor Vehicles.

Last week, on the day the news broke about the horrific killings in Norway, Boston radio talk host Michael Graham confidently stated the investigation would show the killings were done by a radical Muslim. When a Muslim listener called in to challenge Graham, Michael offered the Muslim a bet. Graham was willing to put up $100. that he was right. The Muslim refused to take Michael Graham up on his offer, but if he had, he’d be $100. richer today. I admit I suspected a radical Muslim, too, BUT I also remembered what talk show host Howie Carr said the day of the Oklahoma City Federal Building, bombing in 1995. Carr said, “It was certainly done by a ‘towel head’.” Well, Howie had to eat his words.

Never assume.

I can’t even begin to tell you how MANY times I’ve assumed things about people and been TOTALLY WRONG about them. A few months ago, the first time I heard David Stein’s “Celebration of Life” program, I assumed David Stein was a liberal secular Jewish do-gooder. In fact, David Stein turned out ot be a “born-again Christian” with a life philosophy vert similar to my own! (In fact, he IS an ex-secular Jew.)

When friends presented “Melaleuca” to me in 1995, I eagerly enrolled. I love most of the products, and I was sure that when I told people I knew about Melaleuca, they’d sign right up. In fact, I was never able to sign anyone up for Melaleuca. They ASSUMED it was a lousy deal to get involved in, and that only saps signed up. I actually dropped out of Melaleuca just a year ago ONLY due to my serious drop in personal income. IN fact, Melaleuca is a good company and does not deserve the negative attitudes people express toward them.

One summer afternoon around five years ago, I pulled up to our church’s parking lot only to find that a paving company had parked all sorts of trucks and heavy equipment in our church lot. They were paving a driveway down the street. It bothered me that they’d just ASSUMED they could part there. I jotted down the telephone number which was displayed on their trucks. On their voice mail I stated that I’d wished they’d have ASKED before they parked all that equipment there. That night, I showed up for the church’s prayer meeting. I was surprised to find one strip of new asphalt on our lot just off the street. Shortly thereafter, the phone rang. It was the owner of the paving company.

“I put down a strip of asphalt over a rough portion of your parking lot and THIS IS THE THANKS I GET??!!” he yelled with a few profanities thrown in. I told him I did appreciate that he’d done that. I also pointed out that if they’d have made an attempt to contact us first, we’d probably have given permission to use the lot. I told him it bothered me they’d done that without asking first.

"You’re a PASTOR?! You COULDN’T have much of a following!!!” he yelled and hung up the phone.

Well, we’re supposed to follow GOD and not so much individual pastors, but honestly, his words still sting five years later. He made some assumptions about me and I made some assumptions about him. We were probably both wrong.

Honestly, I don’t understand why people frequently assume the very worst about me; and it bothers me- but HOW IRONIC that is because I DO THE SAME THING TOO OFTEN ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE! I can think of a lot of other examples of assuming. Yes, I assume too much, and I’m wrong; and others do the same thing to and about me. Why do we do this? In Acts 21:38, a Roman Centurion accused St. Paul of being an Egyptian who led 4000 murderers!

So for some reason I’m thinking about this today, and yes I’m assuming it may be helpful to you! Yes, Dad was right. Never assume!

Lord, how we need your help with this!

MY SWITCH TO SELTZER

"...if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them..." (from Mark 16:18)

Back in 1989 when we had a church and even had a youth group at the church in Framingham, we had a young Licensed Minister come into our church and come on board as youth pastor. (He worked a secular job, but we gave him love offerings.) Mike was a great youth pastor, but I was always kidding this 23-year-old guy because his diet was that of a 7-year-old! Well, I suppose I could be teased, myself, because although I am 56, I still tend to eat like a 27-year-old...lots of high fat food and junk food. I don't generally worry about cholesterol and that sort of stuff. I have tended to reason that since I don't smoke and don't drink alcohol, it can't be THAT bad for me. And, I guess I don't want to admit I'm only a few years away from being a "Senior Citizen".

My biggest area of indulging like a 27-year-old is drinking soda! (For those of you in Missouri, Texas, and other places, I'm talking about "pop"!) I drink lots of soda, especially cola. I guess I could excuse it by claiming the above Scripture verse, but since it's out of context, I don't think the Lord would honor that! Listen, soda is TERRIBLE for you. There's nothing good about it. And, diet soda is WORSE. You'll get fatter on diet soda than you will on regular soda, because the artificial sweeteners actually have a chemical effect on your cells that make you GET FAT QUICK. No matter what kind of soda you drink, if you consume a lot of it, and I have, you'll automatically gain at least three pounds every year.

As much as I love soda, I have found that no matter HOW much of it you drink it just DOESN'T quench your thirst! For some reason, a few weeks ago, I decided to buy a couple of bottles of plain, unflavored seltzer at Market Basket. One might think it would taste awful. In one movie, Eddie Murphy said, for example, that if anyone accidentally served him Club Soda, he would throw up! Actually, the seltzer tasted GREAT to me, was very refreshing, and QUENCHED MY THIRST! I have since been buying it each week.

Now, I DID buy club soda rather than seltzer one week, and I discovered that did NOT quench my thirst! The reason is that club soda contains sodium (salt) and seltzer has no additives. Seltzer has NO calories and NOTHING in it that will cause you ANY harm. It's FINE! It's actually GOOD for you! I realize that the more I drink seltzer and the less I drink soda, the more I'll feel better and healthier. I won't be putting all kinds of junk into my body, and I will lose a little weight!

Although I had been buying bottles of seltzer to drink at home, I had still been packing cans of soda for my lunch. TODAY I went grocery shopping. I had dropped a container of cans of cola into my cart, when I noticed some lemon-flavored seltzer available! I put the soda back and bought the seltzer!

Now, don't get me wrong! I will still buy soda on occasion, and I'll still have soda when I go out to eat, BUT I AM DRASTICALLY REDUCING MY SODA CONSUMPTION. This is my first step in eating and/or drinking like a 56-year-old.

Incidentally, when I was visiting in Missouri I noticed that seltzer was DIFFICULT to find in supermarkets...unlike Massachusetts. HOWEVER, in that part of the country, if you look closely, you CAN find it at Wal-Mart.

THE 15TH OF EACH MONTH - WON'T YOU PARTICIPATE?!

“Ye see how large a letter I have written unto you with mine own hand.” (Galatians 6:11)

A few days ago while perusing the internet, I came across a Facebook page dedicated to promoting and preserving the Canadian postal service (known as “Canada Post”) . It’s found at:

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Keep-Canada-Post-Alive-Send-a-Letter-Day-15th-of-Every-Month/138062492937524

The page strongly encourages anyone in Canada who wants to keep Canada Post alive to mail a letter on the 15th of each month. (That might not sound like much, but if virtually every Canadian adult mailed a letter on the 15th of each month, it WOULD, in fact, make quite a difference!)

Canada Post is facing the same problem as is the United States Postal Service. During the past fifteen years, the volume of mail has greatly declined as not only are most of us (including me) opting to send our letters as e-mails rather than traditional letters, AND as many pay their bills on-line rather than mailing in payments the old-fashioned way,

PLEASE DON’T MISUNDERSTAND! I’m not suggesting we put a halt to progress! Without a doubt, the volume of letters handled by Canada Post and the United States Postal Service is probably never going to to again reach the mail volume of say, 1994. But the potential for Canada Post and for the United States Postal Service to continue decline and then to TOTALLY CEASE within the next few years is very real and even likely. I know, I know: There are all the jokes about “snail mail”, overpaid postal workers, and inefficiency. However, when these postal services are gone, we’ll miss them.

Coincidentally, I read recently that the State of Indiana is about to become the first state to no longer require that cursive handwriting be taught in their schools. Most of us don’t use cursive writing anymore, but that’s also quite a loss. I’m an avid writer, including being an avid letter writer. Twenty or more years ago, it was not unusual for me to write and mail twenty or more letters each month including many handwritten letters. Admittedly, NOW it’s rare for me to send even one handwritten letter a month.

THINK OF THIS: We’ve all become really lazy. It’s so easy to just type something on the computer and instantly send it. One hundred years ago, in 1911, the typical American MAN worked twelve hours a day, six days a week- many times doing difficult factory work. Yet, it was not unusual in 1911 for a blue-collar MAN to sit down on a Sunday afternoon or evening and write a two or three page letter to a relative or friend in “perfect” cursive handwriting. Even as “recently” as the 1950s and 1960s, it was not THAT unusual for Americans (including MEN) to write such letters, though usually not as long or as neat as the letters of circa 1911. It was a big thrill to get a letter. I can remember as a kid that when a relative sent our family a letter, my father would happily read it aloud during our evening meal and we’d all talk about the letter as a family. Today, you couldn’t PAY most Americans to sit down, HAND WRITE a letter to a friend or relative, and MAIL it the old-fashioned way.

Well, I’ve decided to take a suggestion from the Canada Post Facebook page! On the 15th of each month, I’m going to mail a letter. BUT I’m going to take things a step further. Mailing a bill payment or something like that is NOT going to count. On the 15th of each month, I’m going to HAND WRITE a letter to a friend or relative mail mail it by U.S. mail. It probably won’t be REAL long, but I’ll make it positive, encouraging, and affirming.

I wanted to share this idea with you. I truly hope people WON’T just roll their eyes and “blow off” this suggestion. Rather, I hope and pray that many, many people will develop the habit of writing and mailing a handwritten on the 15th day of each month. It would be interesting to see what sort of impact such a practice could make!