"NONE FOR THE BARILS!"

“Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets.” (Matthew 7:12)

(As I begin writing, it occurs to me that the story I’m sharing from my childhood today was shared previously on my blog. I believe I shared it way back in the blog’s early “AOL Journals” days in 2006. I think I even titled that posting “None For the Barils!” I’m just too lazy to go back through the “archives” and find it, but I’m stating this as sort of a disclaimer or clarification in case there’s that one lone person with a fascinating memory who remembers that posting.)

I grew up (mainly) in the Boston suburb of Canton, Massachusetts. When I was a kid, we had next door neighbors with whom we were very friendly. This is not their real last name, but I’m going to call them the “Petersons” and the kids who are in my age group I’ll call Josh and Ricky. We went all sorts of places with Josh and Ricky and they went all sorts of places with us. We’re in their parents’ home movies and they’re in some of the home movies my Dad shot back in the 1960s. We were so close to Josh and Ricky that they were like members of our family- it felt like they were relatives.

When the Peterson's REAL relatives came to visit them, however, we understood very quickly that we were not related to Josh and Ricky. It was the strangest thing. Josh and Ricky were the nicest kids and we were so close to them, but when their cousins came over, we felt like Old Testament lepers. Josh and Ricky had cousins from the next town of Sharon who came over at least once a month. Although Josh and Ricky kind of ignored us and treated us like second class citizens when they came over, the Sharon cousins were really nice kids. The cousins treated us well and it KIND OF worked out. The scary thing, however, was when the Peterson's cousins from Connecticut came over. That happened maybe twice a year. I don’t remember the name of the “Aunt” from Connecticut, but I DO remember the Uncle was “Uncle Rip” and that WAS his real name. Josh and Ricky were crazy about Uncle Rip and their cousins from Connecticut. It was MUCH worse than when the relatives from Sharon came over. My brother and sister and I called them, “the Connecticuts”. If one of us would say, “Don’t even bother trying to play with Josh and Ricky today; the Connecticuts are over!” we all knew what that meant.

Josh and Ricky would get glazed over looks as though they had smoked crack, and I don’t even think crack existed then! Josh and Ricky would take on totally different personalities. As far as they were concerned, royalty was visiting them, and they didn’t even KNOW us. If we saw that black 1961 Chevrolet Bel-Air sedan with the attached dark blue Connecticut licenses plates, we just knew to stay in our yard. My most vivid memory of a visit of the Connecticuts is one pleasant day when they were at the Peterson's. The Peterson kids and their Connecticut cousins had all been given some kind of special candy treats. As they enjoyed their treats, Josh and Ricky danced, yelled, and shrieked, “NONE FOR THE BARILS!! NONE FOR THE BARILS!!”

You may wonder how we ever could have remained friends with these kids. I guess that’s a good question. We knew when the Connecticuts left, it would take about 24 hours for Josh and Ricky to go through withdrawal, and then they’d be back to their old selves again. It was painful for us, but we understood they had a weakness. If there was a 12-Step program for children with cousins from Connecticut, they needed to join. But somehow we loved them and put up with them anyway. Incidentally, Ricky grew up to become a somewhat famous physician. He lives in Pennsylvania and I’ve read about some of his accomplishments on the WEB.

You may have guessed that something tripped off the, “None For the Barils” memory for me. It did. It happened about a month ago. A person I know very well and who is one of the kindest and most generous people I’ve ever known made a statement that kind of floored me. The statement was not anything to do with me, thank God. But this person that I don’t think I’ve ever heard say a bad word about ANYONE or ANYTHING made such an insensitive, inappropriate, selfish remark toward someone else, that I was STARTLED and felt like I’d been hit by a falling boulder or something!

As I thought about this later that day, it “totally tripped off” the memories of the Petersons and the Connecticuts from forty-five years ago.

“Wow,” I thought, “this is the grown up 2008 version of ‘None For the Barils’!”

Now, again, I use that FIGURATIVELY. The person did not say anything nasty to or about me. But you can tell how FLOORED I was to have heard what I did.

For some reason, it has come back to my mind again today. At first, I was kind of disgusted and started to think less of my friend. Then I remembered how many times as a kid that I forgave Josh and Ricky. If I could forgive those kids, then I could forgive that adult who obviously had a moment of total tunnel vision and such an incredible lapse in judgment.

This is a time of year that can bring out the BEST in people and can also bring out the WORST in people. Let’s all remember the “golden rule”! Let’s “get the big picture” and try to avoid having “tunnel vision”. And, YES, let’s try to skip the “None For the Barils!” kind of stuff!