TO KEEP SCORE OR NOT TO KEEP SCORE

“And Jesus answering said, Were there not ten cleansed? but where are the nine?” (Luke 17:17)

That verse comes from the account in Luke’s Gospel of the healing of ten lepers. The incident happened late in the earthly ministry of Jesus- as He was on His way to Jerusalem and what would ultimately be His arrest and crucifixion. Ten lepers come toward Jesus on the road that borders Galilee and Samaria. They cry out for mercy. Although they are not IMMEDIATELY healed, Jesus tells them to go and show themselves to the priests. Now the ONLY reason a leper would go and show himself to the priests is to verify a complete healing. The implication was that IF they would start on the journey to go and show themselves to the priests they would be healed. Sure enough, as they went, they WERE healed. Of the ten lepers who were healed ONE came back and thanked Jesus. The others did not. Growing up in the Catholic Church, I remember this passage being used many times as the Gospel reading during Sunday mass. The lesson then taught by the Catholic priest was usually something about remembering to say “thank you”. Through the years, I’ve heard some people say that it’s wrong to be angry with the nine who did NOT come back to give thanks, because they were simply following Jesus’ original instructions to go to show themselves to the priests.

My mother often cited the ten lepers passage when talking about my father’s life experiences in dealing with people. In those days, MANY people wanted to be friends with someone from the Registry of Motor Vehicles. If someone’s kid needed to have a road test scheduled tomorrow afternoon, or somebody needed a ticket “fixed”, or somebody was looking for a “5-figure plate” for their car, or one of many other Registry issues, they’d just call my father and he’d take care of it. He did many, many favors for people which were NOT often returned. And it wasn’t just Registry favors, for that matter. My father was the guy who’d spend his Saturday fixing somebody’s broken down plumbing or mowing somebody’s lawn or dozens of other things. My mother deeply resented that of all the favors my father did for people, they were seldom reciprocated. One exception was the story of Carmello Felice. My father met the young Italian immigrant in 1965 when he was riding his bike a long distance to work every day because he could not understand enough English to pass the Registry test. (Keep in mind this was 1965. Today they routinely give licenses to people who can’t speak English.) My father spent hours and hours and days and days tutoring Carmello in English AND in his driving skills. Eventually, Carmello got a driver’s license. He was SO grateful that every few years, he would come and PAINT the exterior of our house for free! My mother used to call Carmello, “the one leper who came back”.

I found myself thinking about the famous ten lepers account this morning. One day this week, I shared a meal with a man I know who is a very wise and mature Christian. I talked frankly about a number of life issues I’ve struggled with. The man told me that although I’ve experienced a large number of “wounds” from people, and although I’ve often been wronged and mistreated, I have to divorce myself from all that and simply walk above it. His counsel was that if I will completely divorce myself from the hurts and wrongs, truly forgive, and walk above that stuff, I’ll be a new person and can have a much more powerful and much more effective ministry.

I’ve thought about that wise man’s advice. And, I know what he says is true. I’m also ashamed to admit that IF I truly DO follow that advice it will be a radical change for me. Part of me really WANTS to follow that advice and part of me really doesn’t want to- even thought I KNOW it’s the thing I need to do. My father was a very macho guy, but he didn’t “hold on” to many offenses. My mother was a much more passive, even somewhat cowardly person, but she definitely “held on” to things. In 1962, my father was badly wronged by a man named “Clem”. (No joke, that was his name.... “Clem” rhymes which “phlegm”!)
It was a HORRENDOUS wrong that was done which badly hurt not only my Dad but our whole family. There were not too many Christmas presents in 1962 and the Fall and Winter of ‘62 and ‘63 was a dire time for our family. About twenty years later, my father and Clem happened to be on the same committee working for a good common civic cause. One night, Clem phoned my father to talk about it. When he got off the phone, my mother was incredulous, asking, “HOW can you talk to that guy after the terrible thing he did?!” My father replied that you can’t be holding things against people that happened twenty years ago.

She “kept score”. He didn’t. You know, even Jesus was TEMPTED to “keep score”. In Jesus’ humanity, He could not understand why only one guy came back to give thanks, and He commented about it. But He immediately moved on. He did not allow this to become a sin or a festering problem. Well, YES, I know... He WAS Jesus, and that helped! Now, if I had been Jesus, I might have said, “Oh, so THIS is how people thank me for miraculous healings?! WELL, I guess I won’t be healing anybody for QUITE a while, and THEN let’s see how they like it??!!” THAT’S keeping score.

It’s amazing how I began thinking about the story of the ten lepers this morning. It just popped into my head. Initially, I thought about writing something about the small percentage who show appreciation, but then I believe the Holy Spirit “spoke” to me in a much deeper way. My mind went back to the advice of the very wise man. Several years ago, I put untold hours into “mentoring” a man who later walked out of my life and “burned” me. A few months ago, he came back into my life. I forgave him, and began “mentoring” him again. This past weekend the guy “burned” me again, and it looks like he’s walking out of my life again. (He isn’t on-line and doesn’t read the blog, but I’d still have written about it, either way.) This sort of thing is a real test for me. Now, I’m NOT saying we are supposed to be “doormats”, and I’m NOT saying we don’t hold people accountable for wrong things they do. But I am saying if we inordinately hold onto things, this will only cause harm.

This is SUCH a struggle for me. It was around eight years ago now that probably the best family in our church (big financial givers, hard workers, faithful attenders, and people who LOOKED nice physically, and made a GREAT impression on people) abruptly left the church after many years. They made the mistake of writing a farewell letter to the church to be read at the church’s Annual Business Meeting. As pastor, I should have counseled them that having a letter read publicly in a forum such as that was a BIG mistake and could open them up for all sorts of problems. I should have been gracious. I wasn’t. I read the letter and then I proceeded to state exactly what I thought of it. Was I right? Well, bluntly in the world of “an eye for an eye” I was absolutely right. But in Jesus’ world of forgiveness, taking the higher road, walking in love, etc., I was wrong. It was “keeping score” at its worst. Ironically, I think my passive, cowardly mother would have cheered it on, but I think my father would have said something like, “Well, what the h____ did you think you were going to accomplish by doing THAT?”

After a long time, I communicated with those people and apologized and we have a pretty good relationship today. Something I wrestle with, though, is I can’t absolutely promise I won’t respond to a future situation in a similar manner. I’m not alone. There’s a large percentage of pastors who struggle with this very thing of “keeping score”. It’s not a majority, but it’s a large percentage. I find it’s most common among large church pastors who want to keep their “well-oiled machine” going. They reward what they believe to be absolute loyalty to them and to the church they pastor, and they severely punish what they believe is disloyalty. Yes, it can be rather common with a lot of “big church” pastors, but my case proves it happens with small church pastors, too.

Now, before you get all cocky and think something like, “I told you all pastors were phonies!” or “I told you pastors were no good”, or even, “Boy, I’m glad I’m not a pastor so I CAN’T have a problem like that”... let me tell you, OH YES YOU CAN! The problem of keeping score and holding onto offenses, and all that stuff is as old the fall of man in the Garden of Eden.

I have enormous respect for guys like Pastor Vinnie who writes the “Check Your Compass” blog. It’s GOOD stuff. He’d have been able to treat this issue in much fewer words and with much greater insight. It takes a little more effort for me! So, yes, I’ve made myself really vulnerable with this posting. I know I need to follow the advice of that wise man I shared the meal with. For me, it’s a genuine struggle. I honestly don’t know if I will. I do know no one can MAKE me follow it. It’s a daily walk.

Many times Christians are NOT honest, and I think that’s a lot of why we DON’T attract people to saving faith in Christ. The fact is, we are human, we have issues and we have struggles. If I will really let God have His way with this “keeping score” stuff, I’ll be a better pastor, a better Christian, and a better person. For me, it’s just going to have to be a daily walk...a daily thing. We’ve all got issues. Let’s pray for one another. Let’s ENCOURAGE one another. Let’s build up one another. Let’s help one another. And, when we blow it, let’s try to NOT “keep score”.