SPANKING OR NOT SPANKING?

“He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.” (Proverbs 13:24)

Spanking or not spanking?

What a controversial topic THAT is! I heard part of Michael Graham’s program on Boston’s 96.9 FMTalk station yesterday morning and that was the topic being discussed. One woman called in who was deeply and passionately opposed to spanking. She was SO opposed to spanking that she wrote a folk song with a message opposing spanking and she sang it on the air! I’ve also heard Oprah talk about parents who spank as though they’re bloodthirsty barbarians; and on those “nanny” shows on television, the worst parenting technique is considered to be spanking. They’ll spend 8 hours walking a defiant 4-year-old back to the naughty chair from which he promptly retreats. All those pointless trips with a 4-year-old screaming! You know, a quick paddling on the rear end will do the trick!

One father called Michael Graham’s program to say that very thing. His wife does all the “time out” and naughty chair stuff (and the counting to 3) while all he has to say is, “remember what happened the last time you did that” and as he said, “it stops right there”.

Now, I DO want to bring some clarifications about spanking. First of all, there’s a HUGE difference between spanking and child abuse. Second, if spanking is done correctly, you’ll hardly ever have to do it (in most cases). Thirdly, spanking works well for 2-7 year olds. When kids are older than that, it’s far better to find more suitable age appropriate punishments. I recall a case of a pastor on Boston’s north shore a few years ago who was on trial for spanking his 13-year-old kid. While I have a problem with putting a parent on trial for spanking their own kid, I also thought .13 was way too old to be spanked! I once heard a pastor from rural Georgia proclaim, “If my kid’s 30-years-old and needs a whoppin’ them I’m gonna give ‘em a whoppin’!” That’s ridiculous! Again, the deal is: be age approproiate! But let me tell you, 90% of the time when kids are not spanked, IT SHOWS! I remember one time in the early 1980s visiting a couple who had a couple of kids around 5 or 6. They came into the living room where I was sitting and whipped their matchbox cars against the wall full force right above my head! The parents passively and nervously thought it was cute and did NOTHING! Listen, those kids needed a SPANKING!

Each of our 3 kids were spanked, but not that often. I don’t recall spanking any of my kids more than 5 times per kid. Once they’d been spanked a few times, all they’d have to hear is, “if you do that again, you’ll get a spanking”, and that was that. I never spanked any of them once they turned 8. At that age, there were other more age appropriate ways of disciplining them. None of my kids have a problem with the fact that they were spanked (they’re all in their 20s now). In fact, Rachel my youngest says I was way too easy as a parent and that she’ll be a stricter parent than I was. Well, that’s fine with me!

My own father was VERY strict. My mother was much more moderate. The last time my father spanked me, I was 10 and a half. He knew I was too old to be spanked and I knew it, too. It was awkward. That’s why I stopped spanking my kids once they hit 8. But I don’t regret that I was spanked. I tended to be much easier on my kids as teenagers than my father was. In fact, I was the stricter parent when the kids were very little, but my wife was the stricter parent when they were teenagers. I tended to feel I set a pattern when they were little kids, and that as teens they’d have to start walking more on their own, and if they fell on their faces, they’d have to face the consequences out in society.

I definitely made some mistakes as a parent but my wife and I did the best we could. We spanked our kids, and overall, our kids turned out pretty well.

Decades ago, 99% of the parents in theologically conservative Protestant churches spanked their kids and it was seen as no big deal. Now, I’d say at least half the parents DON’T spank their kids. So if you ever mention spanking from the pulpit, 50% cheer you on, and 50% look at you like you’re Atilla the Hun. Well, Hebrews 12:5-9 says if you don’t spank your kids you don’t love them! No kidding- check that out!

While I don’t believe in spanking “big” people, I might want to make an exception for that family in Colorado with the UFO style balloon that their kids launched into “space” yesterday. Thank God the 6-year-old was O.K.! The parents were VERY FOOLISH to leave that balloon unsecured in a place where curious little kids could get at it. Maybe THOSE PARENTS deserve a spanking!