Sunday, March 7, 2010

"DON'T YOU FEEL RELIEVED ??!!"

“He that blesseth his friend with a loud voice, rising early in the morning, it shall be counted a curse to him.” (Proverbs 27:14)

On Saturday, someone called me and asked me how I’m feeling (regarding the church closing, not having a job, etc.). All I could answer is “surreal”. I think it’s going to be a long time before I can really put together an objective/balanced commentary on what has transpired in my life and in the life of the church I pastored over the past year and especially over the past couple of months. I was continously employed as a church associate pastor and then as a “solo” pastor for 28 and a half years. That’s a lifetime.

The GREATEST part of my week was Sunday morning! I loved teaching my Sunday School class and I especially loved “being in the pulpit”. A lot of folks will not understand this, but I have the personality and temperament of a performer. Two of my kids, Jon and Rachel, have this SAME personality. The late radio and stage personality Larry Glick had it. My uncle J.P. Keddy was a personal friend of Larry Glick’s. He told me Larry Glick was actually a very shy person. I brushed by Larry Glick one time in “Islington Center” on Route 1A in Westwood, MA. I was going into the post office and Larry Glick was just coming out. I recognized him from having seen photos, and had seen his car, a black Cadillac with the license plate N 777 parked out in front of the post office. Larry looked quite retiring and almost timid as he walked by me and got into the Cadillac. It was hard to believe this was the guy who made people in 38 states and 10 Canadian provinces laugh every night on WBZ radio Boston. It was hard to believe this was the charismatic stage hypnotist. I’ve ALSO heard Rush Limbaugh is a shy person off the mike and off the stage.

My son and daughter can be almost painfully shy- yet once they walk on stage, they “OWN” the stage and the audience loves them. I know, I know. Ministry isn’t supposed to be “performing”. It’s ministry. I know. Although, having met and seen healing evangelist Benny Hinn up close and personal (I really HAVE) you can’t tell me he doesn’t “PERFORM”. Listen, he DOES! Losing that Sunday public speaking time is frankly very tough. There was also the identity of being “Pastor Bob Baril”. I have had that title for over 28 years. Today, as one woman left the building, she said, “Well, NOW I’ll call you ‘BROTHER BOB BARIL’!”.

“Yeah, I guess you will,” I replied. I kind of didn’t know what to say.

Today someone also asked me if I have a business card. I realized my business cards all have the church address and phone number...so I guess I DON’T have a business card.

Finally, several people have said to me, “You must feel SO relieved that it’s over...that the church is closed...that you don’t have to carry that burden anymore!”

Well, to use a Richard Nixon type of phrase, “Let me just say THIS”: I still have keys to the church building. I was told by my ecclesiastical superiors that since they are letting me live in the parsonage for at least 6 months, I shouldn’t mind getting the mail at the post office, checking in on the church building several times a week, etc. So, I used to be at the head and now I’m the tail. I wonder, if the building gets sprayed with graffiti or the windows get smashed out...who’s gonna take responsibility for that?

When I go to the church building....am I trespassing? Am I the leader? Am I the custodian? Am I an interloper? who and what am I?

And, yes, now in a sense I feel like an interloper and moocher living at the residence for the pastor of a church that doesn’t exist any more...or DOES it?

The corporation still exists.

So, I gotta be honest:

Maybe I’ll feel a lot differently in months to come, but right now I don’t feel relieved. I don’t feel one bit relieved.

Would you?

1 comment:

Bill McCulley said...

Pastor Bob,

Not sure what I can say now to bring comfort to you. I can tell you some of my story though, and perhaps it will help you be filled by God's peace and perhaps a little hope.

I remember after I was diagnosed of brain cancer 2 1/2 years ago I felt only one thing: Fear. Dark, overpowering fear. The kind that sits in your stomach and feels like it is consuming your heart. It drives almost everything out - desire to eat or even wanting to breath.

It was bad. I can't say I did much at that point except a lot of praying. But a few days after the surgery and my radiation treatment started, I realized I must lean on things that I truly knew for sure: God's Word and Christ Jesus IN me. Sure, I was not feeling His presence every minute, but with the prayers by faithful brothers, sisters in Christ, and my family, and reading God's Word hour by hour, I could feel the fear ebbing away. With each verse I read, hour by hour, and each prayer I communed with God and His Son, I could feel fear being dropped away from me like a removed weight.

For me, I guess it was fear of the unknown. What would happen to my family? What would happen to my children? Will I miss them so much ... even in heaven? Who will hug them when they are scared or comfort them when they are hurt..? These were the kind of fears I certainly could not master. Only God could. Once I figured that out, I totally surrendered the whole thing to Him.

Now, anytime those old fears come across my mind, I grab for his Word to expunge them out of my thoughts and offer prayers with every breath I give. With Christ in me, I have no fear. I've come to know that love drives out fear. And Christ himself is Love, and He lives IN me.
Michael Card has a wonderful song which is called "The Way of Wisdom" which speaks so close to my heart.

"The Way of Wisdom starts out
With a step of holy fear.
That's only the beginning
And there's much more that is clear.
The path leads on to love,
And love is FEARLESS in its ways,
For Love Himself was not afraid
To die that we'd be saved.

And the Way of Wisdom is living.
The Path of Peace is forgiving.
Behold the Man of Meaning.
Behold, He is the Lord."

I know you are more familiar with the verse below than I am, but to me it has become a 'watchword'. I keep a copy written on cards in my car, office, and on my bed stand.

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Phil 4

I'll be praying God brings this verse alive to you this week... and even now you will start to see the signs of the doors He is opening on your horizon.

Love in Christ,
Bill

"Sir, the mission is not yet done"