"DON'T YOU FEEL RELIEVED ??!!"

“He that blesseth his friend with a loud voice, rising early in the morning, it shall be counted a curse to him.” (Proverbs 27:14)

On Saturday, someone called me and asked me how I’m feeling (regarding the church closing, not having a job, etc.). All I could answer is “surreal”. I think it’s going to be a long time before I can really put together an objective/balanced commentary on what has transpired in my life and in the life of the church I pastored over the past year and especially over the past couple of months. I was continously employed as a church associate pastor and then as a “solo” pastor for 28 and a half years. That’s a lifetime.

The GREATEST part of my week was Sunday morning! I loved teaching my Sunday School class and I especially loved “being in the pulpit”. A lot of folks will not understand this, but I have the personality and temperament of a performer. Two of my kids, Jon and Rachel, have this SAME personality. The late radio and stage personality Larry Glick had it. My uncle J.P. Keddy was a personal friend of Larry Glick’s. He told me Larry Glick was actually a very shy person. I brushed by Larry Glick one time in “Islington Center” on Route 1A in Westwood, MA. I was going into the post office and Larry Glick was just coming out. I recognized him from having seen photos, and had seen his car, a black Cadillac with the license plate N 777 parked out in front of the post office. Larry looked quite retiring and almost timid as he walked by me and got into the Cadillac. It was hard to believe this was the guy who made people in 38 states and 10 Canadian provinces laugh every night on WBZ radio Boston. It was hard to believe this was the charismatic stage hypnotist. I’ve ALSO heard Rush Limbaugh is a shy person off the mike and off the stage.

My son and daughter can be almost painfully shy- yet once they walk on stage, they “OWN” the stage and the audience loves them. I know, I know. Ministry isn’t supposed to be “performing”. It’s ministry. I know. Although, having met and seen healing evangelist Benny Hinn up close and personal (I really HAVE) you can’t tell me he doesn’t “PERFORM”. Listen, he DOES! Losing that Sunday public speaking time is frankly very tough. There was also the identity of being “Pastor Bob Baril”. I have had that title for over 28 years. Today, as one woman left the building, she said, “Well, NOW I’ll call you ‘BROTHER BOB BARIL’!”.

“Yeah, I guess you will,” I replied. I kind of didn’t know what to say.

Today someone also asked me if I have a business card. I realized my business cards all have the church address and phone number...so I guess I DON’T have a business card.

Finally, several people have said to me, “You must feel SO relieved that it’s over...that the church is closed...that you don’t have to carry that burden anymore!”

Well, to use a Richard Nixon type of phrase, “Let me just say THIS”: I still have keys to the church building. I was told by my ecclesiastical superiors that since they are letting me live in the parsonage for at least 6 months, I shouldn’t mind getting the mail at the post office, checking in on the church building several times a week, etc. So, I used to be at the head and now I’m the tail. I wonder, if the building gets sprayed with graffiti or the windows get smashed out...who’s gonna take responsibility for that?

When I go to the church building....am I trespassing? Am I the leader? Am I the custodian? Am I an interloper? who and what am I?

And, yes, now in a sense I feel like an interloper and moocher living at the residence for the pastor of a church that doesn’t exist any more...or DOES it?

The corporation still exists.

So, I gotta be honest:

Maybe I’ll feel a lot differently in months to come, but right now I don’t feel relieved. I don’t feel one bit relieved.

Would you?