A FEMALE GEORGE BAILEY?

"Honour thy father and thy mother:  that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee."  (Exodus 20:12)

Yesterday, August 2, 2006 was a very significant date for me.  It marked exactly six years since my mother died- it was also on a Wednesday, August 2, 2000.  Virginia M. (Richard) Baril was seventy-six at the time of her death.  She died of multiple myeloma, commonly known as "bone cancer".  August 2, 2000 was a horrible day for me.  My father had died only a few weeks earlier on June 9, 2000.  My mother spent her final three weeks as a patient at Caritas Norwood Hospital.  My wife, my sister and I slept in the room over the night of August 1 as my mother was SO close to death.  That night was a Red Sox "marathon" game against Seattle which went until almost four in the morning- and the Sox lost.  Given the fact that my mother was a big Red Sox fan, it was probably significant.  Mom was pretty much semi-conscious and/or in a coma for her final three or four days.  As I literally sat at her bedside singing hymns at 8 a.m. on that August morning, she passed away.  Some people joke that maybe my singing was THAT bad!  Maybe- but it was an honor to be there at her passing.  THAT morning, it did not feel like an honor.  I was sobbing and inconsolable.  Both parents within a few weeks time.  It was just too much!

I have a sadness as I think of my mother.  There is so much she wanted to do  that just never happened.  She loved European history and very much wanted to visit Europe, especially Scotland and France, the lands of her ancestors.  It never came to pass.  She wanted to visit Prince Edward Island.  That also never happened.  Mom wanted to graduate from college.  Although she did complete roughly a year at Northeastern University in the late 1940s, she never earned a college degree.  Mom loved poetry.  She loved to read.  She loved fine dining.  She would have loved being the wife of a mild mannered professor of medieval history or some other such kind of guy.  She would have loved having a large income so she could travel and pursue her interests.  Alas, that never happened.  Whether my father was the best match for her or not is debatable.  Since she (like me) was terribly unhandy, the fact that he was a "Mr. Fix It" came in handy.  Since she was not a very brave person, the fact that he was a very macho police officer type also came in handy.   Overall, however, Virginia M. Baril was not a happy person.  She struggled with depression.  Well, she really didn't struggle with it, she gave in to it.  She was also a deeply religious person, but fretted that God did not give her the pleasant life she so desperately wanted.  She was a VERY private person- yet it seemed like "everybody" knew her.  Mom would have been surprised that far more people attended her funeral than attended my father's.  Many felt that in one way or another she touched their life.

I gave her eulogy.  I compared her to George Bailey in "It's a Wonderful Life" who never saw HIS hopes and dreams accomplished, but who touched more lives and affected more people than he possibly could have imagined.

Genetics can bring weird results.  I have my father's sense of humor and my father's public speaking ability.  I also have my mother's tendency toward depression and toward wanting an easier, more comfortable life.  I do "struggle" with these tendencies every day.  You only have one mother.  Yes, mine died on August 2, 2000.  Six years later, there is still a great sense of loss.