CERTIFIABLE

“And that ye study to be quiet, and to do your own business, and to work with your own hands, as we commanded you;” (I Thessalonians 4:11)

On Saturday morning, our small church had our monthly “Men’s Fellowship” meeting.  Including me, there were seven guys present.  For a tiny church in the middle of winter, that really wasn’t bad.  We watched and discussed my favorite episode of “Northern Exposure” entitled “Birds of a Feather”. 

“Birds of a Feather” originally aired on the CBS television network during the Fall of 1993.  In this episode, 30-ish Dr. Joel Fleishmann’s parents (Herb and Nadine Fleishmann) come to visit him in rural Alaska.  Joel clashes with his Dad throughout the visit.  In the same visit, 60-something bar owner Holling Vancoeur admits that he doesn’t like sports and then (because of his dislike of sports) takes all kinds of verbal abuse from the townspeople and even from his much younger wife.  The greatest focus of the episode is Nadine Fleishmann who talks incessantly.  Native American “Marilyn Whirlwind” tells Nadine she’s  an “Eagle spirit”.  Marilyn then recites the Tlinket Indian legend of the eagle which says the eagle was originally “The Talker”.  He talked so much that he couldn’t hear the wind or the river or even the wolf.  When “The Talker” stopped talking and learned to be quiet and listen... he became the eagle, and he learned to fly.  During the episode Nadine comes to grips with her blabbing problem, and (in a mystical sense) becomes “an eagle”.

It’s ironic that I watched that episode on Saturday morning (which incidentally was very well received and brought a lot of lively discussion and good Biblical sharing at Men’s Fellowship).  On Saturday afternoon, I ran into “The Talker” of MetroWest.  Her first name is “Jeannie” and her last name begins with a “G.”. If you’re an evangelical Christian from the MetroWest area, it’s likely you know who she is.

Jeannie has had run-ins with virtually every evangelical pastor in the Framingham area.  She talks, shrieks, and yells incessantly.  She believes herself to be a 2008 version of an Old Testament prophet.  The bulk of her preaching is yelling about what phonies various MetroWest pastors are...usually naming them publicly.  Jeannie has also been known to make constantly harassing phone calls to pastor’s offices and even to their homes.  Around eight years ago it got so bad that my wife filed a formal complaint with the police department and the calls ceased.  On Saturday afternoon, I was shopping at Market Basket in Ashland when who accosted me at the deli area but Jeannie?!  She spoke, yelled and shrieked.  She yelled the name of two area pastors, spiced with the “F” word.  Jeannie had also taken a handful of those “number” slips that you take at a supermarket deli.  “Her number” was called at least 5 times while I was there.  When “her number” would be called, she would jump, wave, smile, and yell, :”That’s ME, PRAISE YOU JESUS!”  It was obvious that nobody at the store knew what to do with her.  After about ten minutes, she left.  One woman came up to me and told me Jeannie is there every Saturday doing that.

“She uses constant ‘F Bombs’!” the woman said.

“Yes, that’s a great witness for Christ, isn’t it?” I sadly and sarcastically replied.

Sunday morning during church, Jeannie called our church office.  Later, upon arriving home, we discovered she’d called our home answering machine and left a twenty minute message, ranting and raving like a lunatic.

Many years ago a mental health professional told me she’s “Certifiable”.
I wonder why she’s still walking around.

Incidentally, if you’ve ever heard a caller named “Jean from Framingham” on Boston’s 96.9 WTKK - that’s the same woman!